Dada Debaser's Five Pillars of Love and Happiness

With the soaring cost of living, it's great to have another festive consumer scam on the horizon, especially one so stressful and relatively soon after last year's wallet hemorrhaging Christmas. Valentines's Day is coming, folks, although, if you've been to any shopping centre or supermarket since the start of the year, you noticed all that malarky already. For this blogger, it's a time where many a poor sap is running around like a headless chicken trying to book a reservation at that swanky new restaurant the missus wants to dine in, with the notion of finding it perfectly acceptible you're gonna get bumped for a three course meal that's about as filling as a tictac. Being a film blog and all, it's worth sharing some of my favourite movie moments that schooled me on some important love and relationship driven lessons.

Presentation: We live in an era where a simple swipe right can potentially change your life forever like it's Logan's Run (1976), it's essential to make yourself be presentable. Been to enough film fairs and conventions in the past, to the point that I wouldn't be at all surprised if some of the attendess and stall vendors there were registered sex offenders. Let's be honest, some of them look like they belong in that Only You music video by The Flying Pickets. Not only is personal appearance neglected, but their priorities is completely out of whack, as nerdom outweighs their basic necessity for personal hygine. Hence, the reason why I bounced that time while at the Electric Ballroom film fair. The entire place reeked of bad body odour and stale piss. How that actress who played Warrior Woman with the shoulder pads from Mad Max 2 (1981) could eat her fried noodles in that putrid shithole without retching was beyond my comprehension. Soap, water and a good deodorant should be de rigueur on a daily basis. If you can muster the effort to bathe, then you can also make the effort to dress apporpriately, too. Big respect to my man, Disco Donny from Don't Go in the House (1980) for taking the initiative after his dear old abusive mum passed away, by hitting the clubs with "a dynamite outfit". Unfortunately, looking clean and dapper can only you get so far if you're a complete and utter pyromaniac.

Don't Go in the House (Moss Bros. and Disco scene)

(Joseph Ellison, 1980)

 

Confidence: People admire a person with a strong and direct sense of confidence. It bodes well in both a working and personal relationship. Not everyone exudes classic Sean Connery in Dr. No (1962) swagger, some folks need the odd tipple for some much needed Dutch courage. However, if you're planning to go that one step further to quell those nerves with any medication, do consult your local G.P. for further assistance and not from a med student scoring you some dodgy old tranquilisers that make your urine go green. Take landlord lothario Rupert Rigsby and his quest to woo his equine objet de désir, Miss Jones. How on earth could he fancy a woman that makes Laura Kuenssberg look like Margot Robbie is beyond me, but I do have utmost respect for his persistance. Take note as he masterfully takes charge at the table with his compliments to Miss Jones while exhibiting his worldly man of culture persona with the "Daddies sauce" request as the perfect condiment to his pasta meal. All this while poppin' pills like a hungry hippo, which sadly leads to his eventual burnout. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

Rising Damp (Rigsby's date with Miss Jones)

(Joseph McGrath, 1980)

Respect: This is a big one, which applies to both parties (or more, if that's how you're livin'). It is with the utmost importance to maintain complete respect for yourself, your family and humble abode. If either of those are disrepected by your significant other (potential, or otherwise), then it more than likely will spell doom for a relationship. Complete respect for yourself will help you avoid the inevitable pitfalls of looking like a desperate creep, like May over here. Coming from the Edward Gein school of bad mother syndrome, she carries all the red flags to avoid in a loving relationship: on the one hand, I can almost feel sorry for her, for being burdened by such an awful mother (just like Donny above); on the other, being anywhere near a six foot radius of her could be a fatal mistake for you.

May (Adam's hand scene)

(Lucky McKee, 2002)

 

Composure: There is nothing worse than losing your cool in public, especially when it's witnessed by someone significant in your life. Look at Driver over here. Things are about to go pear shape for him and Irene, hence they share a tender loving kiss together. Unfortunately, our poor protagonist winds up head stompin' an armed thug in an elevator until there is brain matter and bits of skull all over his fine leather boots All this to protect his love. Romantic for sure, but women aren't going to understand this chivalrous and romantic effort and would probably run away at that very sight of all that blood and gore splattering all over and ruining their jimmy choos. Chances of a second date? Zilch.

Drive (Elevator scene)

(Nicolas Winding Refn, 2011)

 

Future: So you've been together for a bit and things are going great. However, the time will come when she wants to hear wedding bells and you want to hear the questions on Mastermind. You've got to plan for the future as you can bet your life she's shared enough information about you to her friends and family that you would half expect Eamonn Andrews to be carrying a big red book and sneaking up on you when you least expect it. Her family are going to be wanting to know how you'll support her and probably her wasteman little brother for that matter. Kick that b.s. to the curb with Sid's tactful explanation of their beloved girl's future.  

Sid and Nancy (Intentions scene)

(Alex Cox, 1986)

 

That's it. Well, there's probably more, but this nonsense eats into my dedicated free time I usually put away for watching movies. I sincerely hope this helps anyone who strayed here (which is miraculous, since this blog doesn't show up on Google). Your welcome.