No Flesh Shall Be Spared

Hardware (Richard Stanley, 1990)

2000AD was a weekly comic I would read throughout most of the 1980s and early 1990s. It was a font of creative talent exemplifying the comic book renaissance at the time; some of that talent, would be poached by the Big Two (Marvel and D.C.) and eventually see their works adapted into film.

It's no big secret that Paul Verhoeven's sci-fi classic, Robocop (1987), took blatant inspiration from 2000AD's flagship lawman Judge Dredd during its pre-production.

Similarly, writer and director Richard Stanley tapped into the Dreddverse with his debut feature film Hardware (1990). Evidently, Fleetway Publications, the owner of 2000AD, thought Stanley's film was doing more than just taking inspiration and successfully won a copyright case against it. Despite Stanley denying he ever read, SHOK!, the seven page story which first appeared in the 1981 Judge Dredd annual. Thus, SHOK!'s creators, Steve MacManus and Kevin O'Neill, were credited subsequent prints of the film.

Hardware is set in a dystopian future ravaged by atomic warfare. Nomads scavenge for scrap in an irradiated wasteland. Ex marine, Hard Mo' Baxter (Dylan McDermott), acquires a robot skull from one particular nomad. He gifts it to his sculptor girlfriend Jill (Stacey Travis) upon his long return home as a Christmas present. (Yes, it's a Christmas movie!) However, both Mo' and Jill are unaware that the skull is part of a deadly M.A.R.K. 13 robot capable of resourcing power, reassembling itself and delivering a fatal toxin. Furthermore, it is later revealed that the M.A.R.K. 13 was programmed by the government to reduce the human population.

The mise-en-scène is central to Richard Stanley’s vision, with the plot serving as secondary.  Dystopian cyberpunk imagery is prevalent. Future tech, metallic junk and urban rubble are everywhere. Computer generated wire-mesh visuals rotate on crummy monitors. Steam is ejected from unknown vents. And colourful lights cast Bava-esque beauty on metallic surfaces. Hardware is an unapologetic film that's all about style over substance. 

This is a nightmarish future. A stark example of the grim state of the human race is a child tied to its deceased mother on a forgotten apartment level. Furthermore, nonchalant media announcements for enforced sterilisations commencing in the New Year are chilling.

The performances are mixed. Stacey Travis and Dylan McDermott are great as the leads, maintaining professional composure throughout Richard Stanley’s avant-garde direction. They do their best with the material that they have available. John Lynch’s character Shades, is both shallow and superfluous. This is largely due to the character’s flat profile rather than Lynch's performance. Additionally, his Ray Bans and aviator jacket would have been more suited on a background extra in Top Gun than here. The character's solo scene, in which he appears high in his apartment, adds nothing to the film and is a time waster.

Mark Nothover plays Alvy, a dwarf junkyard trader whose voice appears to have been dubbed by an American actor. Despite his limited screen time Alvy’s role is more integral to the film than Shades and genuinely serves a purpose. The merchant is the one who discovers how dangerous the M.A.R.K. 13 is; adding urgency to the mix.

William Hootkins, best known for his role as fat X-Wing pilot Jak Porkins in Star Wars, plays Jill’s stalker neighbour. He is memorable as an odious pervert and for his bizarre singing of They All Walk the Wibbly-Wobbly Walk . You’re just praying for him to die horribly.

Given Richard Stanley’s background as a music director (credited for directing Superfly Guy by S-Express and Blue Pearl’s Naked in the Rain), he features several musicians in his film. The aforementioned nomad is played by Carl McCoy of Fields of the Nephilim, while Lemmy of Motörhead is a water taxi driver, crossing a polluted river with Ace of Spades playing on his stereo. However, the most memorable cameo is Iggy Pop as the off-screen DJ Angry Bob, whose over-the-top performance is notably quote-worthy::

"This is Angry Bob, the man with the industrial dick. Coming at you loud and clear on W.A.R. Radio. Rise and shine, folks! It's a beautiful day! Just look at that sky; it's a work of art. Huh! Nature never knew colours like that. And a friendly reminder: when you look at it, be sure to wear your shades! The radiation count's way up in the heatwave and ain't expected to let up, either. Weather Control tell us it'll probably hit 110 down town, before nightfall. As for the good news: there is no fucking good news! So let's rock with one of our golden oldies" - Angry Bob

Elsewhere, Public Image Ltd’s The Order of Death is prominently featured in the film. Soundtrack composer Simon Boswell provides an original score, consisting of loud industrial  and brash synthesisers. It may be considered intrusive by some, but complements the film’s high tech and junkyard metal aesthetic.

The film’s premise, a woman confined to her apartment with a killer robot, may evoke moments from other science fiction films such as Saturn 3 (1980) and The Terminator (1984), but Richard Stanley seems to forgo all that for much of Hardware's run time and spend most of it on the cool cyberpunk world he's realised. Admirable as that might sound, it does come at the expense of a very long wait for some slasher style action. At least forty minutes have to pass by before the M.A.R.K. 13 begins its murderous rampage. 

An example of Stanley's avant-garde approach is the surreal sequence involving the deadly toxin running through the veins of one character. A hallucinatory M.A.R.K. 13 appears like a dance artist on Top of the Pops, followed with acid trip style spiral patterns. Dramatic opera music soundtracks the fatal psychedelic experience.

Hardware did not resonate with me, initially. Despite its connection to my teenage interests at the time, its unorthodox style was too ostentatious for my liking. However, the film has grown on me considerably since then; largely due to its technical merits being so accomplished on a shoe-string budget (less than £1M, believe it or not). It retains a remarkable cyberpunk aesthetic that is both stunning and more stylish than numerous bigger budgeted studio efforts. 

Although not an easy recommendation, it is definitely worth checking out for any sci-fi film enthusiast and fan of cult cinema. Better than Alphaville, that's for sure.

Merry Christmas!

Moggy Cheung

The Cat (Lam Nai-Choi, 1992)

Hong Kong cinema is often characterised by its eccentricity and unconventional style, drastically  distinguishing it from Hollywood. Consequently, its genre output attracts international audiences with a taste for insane content. My first exposure to Lam Nai-Choi’s work was his unofficial adaption of the popular manga, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1992). Set in a sadistic prison, the film’s excessive violence and gore made it a splatterfest classic comparable to Peter Jackson’s Braindead also released that year. Regrettably, I remained unfamiliar with Nai-Choi’s other films until they became more available relatively recently. Produced directly after his magnum opus, The Cat (AKA The 1000 Years Cat, 1992) is a surreal sci-fi horror that achieves almost the same heights; a feat in itself, considering how much Riki-Oh is an incredibly tough act to follow.

Sourced from the popular series of books written by Ni Kuang, concerning the paranormal/science fiction novelist Wisely, played by Waise Lee (seriously!) in the film. The Cat is an adaptation of The Old Cat. The film revolves around three extraterrestrials stranded on Earth: one, a young woman named Princess (Gloria Yip); her elderly bodyguard, Errol (Lau Siu-Ming); and a black cat known as the General, who are after an artefact which will aid them to defeat a powerful enemy and help them return home.

The plot is largely secondary to the film’s visual spectacle, which is just as well as the original director assigned to direct The Cat constantly demanded for script changes, as revealed by screen writer Gordon Chan in an interview in the 88 Films' Blu-ray release. Amusingly, once Nai-Choi was hired to direct the picture, he wasn't in the least bit bothered about the screenplay. For those familiar with 1980s cult sci-fi classics The Thing, The Terminator, The Hidden, and The Blob you will no doubt spot their inspirations on the film. A gun deal involving the possessed Wang Chieh-Mei (Phillip Kwok) unfolds in a manner that is reminiscent of the scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger's killer cyborg is tooling up in a gun shop.

Aside from the melting pot of obvious influences, the film also exhibits unusual tonal shifts. While The Cat primarily qualifies as a science fiction horror film due to its subject matter, gory violence and special effects, it occasionally resembles a Saturday morning children’s show in relation to its peculiar sense of wonder and naivety. Conversely, some scenes featuring Wisely and his girlfriend Pai So (Christine Ng) are shot in a manner reminiscent of an erotic film. Wisely is portrayed as intensely horny around his partner, while the camera focuses on Pai So’s perspiring body. The gratuitous close-ups are predictably jarring from the rest of the film.

The pièce de résistance is an epic junkyard brawl between the titular character and a dog. The sheer absurdity of the fight is difficult to describe, but the sight of a cat performing a suplex on a dog is a sight for the eyes and one that won't be forgotten easily. This was all achieved before the advent of computer-aided effects, with much of the grandiose battle executed using hand puppets, stop-motion animation and practical effects. It is undoubtedly one of the most ludicrous fights I involving domestic animals I have ever witnessed. Incredible.

Nai-Choi’s film does not merely culminate in a single impressive fight sequence; it merely set a precedent for the remainder of the film. A particular highlight is the alien antagonist, still possessing Wang Chieh-Mei’s body, conducting bullet-ridden destruction upon Wisely’s home. The scene is characterised by a distillery's worth of vodka stored in the premises used as Molotov cocktails, which burn with napalm-like intensity. You know you aren't watching a Hollywood film when one of its main cast members is doused in flame retardant and performing their own stunts amongst all the fire and carnage. Then again, how many of Hollywood's thespians are like Phillip Kwok, serving as a stunt co-ordinator on their film?

The alien antagonist undergoes transforms into an even more monstrous entity once the General is revitalised by a beam of light from its home world. Simultaneously, the antagonist attacks diners in a canteen with appendages reminiscent of the creature from The Thing. The practical effects are remarkably well executed and evoke a sense of nostalgia for an era when computer-generated visual effects were not so prevalent. Ultimately, the extraterrestrial villain smothers the entire building when it assumes the form of a colossal, gelatinous mass. This is what I live for.

According to Asian film expert Frank Djeng, the villain was an analogical representation of  Britain's handover of Hong Kong to China. Thus, the scenes where Philip Kwok acquisition of black market Chinese Army weapons, along with him manifesting into a giant, red amalgamated monster, depicts the fears and woes of Hong Kong's citizens. You would never know it, unless someone told you. As an ignorant foreigner, I just assumed it was all inspired by some of Hollywood's greatest sci-fi horror films from the 1980s. 

Interestingly, a Japanese version of the film titled Nine Lives was produced concurrently using some of the same cast, sets and effects. The differences between the two films are numerous but the use of an alternative director and Japanese actor Hidekazu Akai as the lead are the most significant. Admittedly, I have not yet seen the Japanese version but further details regarding the changes between the two films are listed on this website.

 

The Cat is an amazingly eccentric film that should appeal to anyone with an interest in unconventional and whimsical films from around the world. Its influences are evident yet it instils its own brand of bizarre entertainment; making it a unique viewing experience. The fact that Lam Nai-Choi chose to retire from the film industry after helming The Cat is noteworthy, as it's a magnificent mic drop for any director. 

 

Lovers of psychotronic cinema will dig this.

Seven Nation Army

The BBC just released the Blu-Ray box set for the second season in Terry Nation's dystopian, space opera Blake 7. Naturally, I put my film watching on hold and binged through it like my life depended on it.

Many of the points I addressed in a blog post dedicated to the first season are just as valid here. Therefore, to avoid repeating it all again, here's an episode guide on the second season of the science fiction series.

Redemption 

Liberator, the mysterious alien spacecraft commandeered by Blake and his crew, is shown being destroyed in last season's cliffhanger finale. It's revealed as a prophetic vision by Orac, the supercomputer and one seventh of Blake's posse. Avon deduces that identifying the star constellation in the background of Orac's prophecy, the Liberator can avoid its destruction. Shortly afterwards, the ship is attacked and pursued by unknown spacecrafts. The Liberator attempts to flee, but is eventually controlled remotely by The System, a computer network created by an advanced alien civilisation, revealed to be the creators of the Liberator.

Terry Nation ends his streak as the sole writer of the series on a high. A rewarding season opener as the Liberator's origin sheds some of the mystique about the ship. Really enjoyed the scene where Blake has to wrestle with the Liberator's cables and circuitry; like they were snakes. I also found it funny seeing the Altas, a bunch of saggy-arsed, hive-minded and cold-blooded women being connected with the Liberator; a ship that looks like it was kit-bashed from a sex toy by the effects department. Rating: 9/10

Shadow

Blake goes to Space City seeking aid against the Terran Federation from the criminal underworld known as the Terra Nostra (see what they did?). Furthermore, Orac and Cally, the telepathic member of Blake's gang, are confronted by a psychic alien entity. Cally manages to combat the invisible enemey with the use of moon discs (they look like brown pebbles), the products used by the Terra Nostra to harvest the narcotic Shadow.

Dud episode! Terry Nation proves how big his shoes are to fill with script editor Chris Boucher taking control of the writing reins. The episode is a convoluted mess and hard to believe it's written by the same creative mind responsible for the seminal Doctor Who story The Robots of Death. Cally is a complete buzzkill once the episode focuses primarily on her. The episode really drags by all the hallucinatory imagery of Cally being trapped inside Orac or when a bunch of pebbles are laughably placed all over Cally. The Terra Nostra plot isn't enjoyable, either. The so-called gangsters are nothing but a bunch of stuck-up, English toffs in brown velour suits rather than resembling anything shady or scary. Also, it's no surprise when it's revealed the Terra Nostra is also controlled by the Federation. Worst of all, is seeing Karl Howman, from the awful sitcom Brush Strokes and the former British video nasty Exposé (1976), playing one-half of a pair of pixie-looking junkies being Shadow addicts. The siblings reminded me of Wilykit and Wilykat from Thundercats and were insufferable. Rating: 4/10

Weapon

Both the Liberator's crew and the Federation go searching for the fugitive scientist Coser, the developer of a powerful weapon known as I.M.I.P.A.K. (Induced Molecular Instability Projector And Key). A deadly device able to mark its target with dark matter and be detonated from an extremely long range (a million miles, or so). Servalan and Travis (in the latter's case; merely canonically) are back. The devious pair employ the genius psychostrategist (otherwise known as a "puppeteer") Carnell to pinpoint Coser's whereabouts, while also lure out the scientist with a clone of Blake.

A far better episode from Chris Boucher compared to his previous one. Great to see Servalan back in her sadistic glory again, although, I really can't say the same for Travis given how Brian Croucher's performance is so jarringly different when compared to what made Stephen Greif's version so memorable from the first season. Enjoyed seeing the I.M.I.P.A.K.weapon in action; at first against a clawed, alien beast, and once again on Blake and his comrades Avon and Gan. I also got a kick out of seeing British horror scream queen Candace Glendenning as Rashel, a freed slave on the run with Coser. Weapon has a worse IMDb rating than Shadow; which is bizarre, since it's a big improvement and far more enjoyable. Rating: 8/10

Horizon

Blake pursues a Federation ship to the mysterious planet Horizon. Blake and Jenna teleport down and are are captured by a native. The eventually become prisoners and forced into labour alongside the rest of the unfortunate populace in underground mines. They eventually learn that Horizon's ruler, Ro, is being used as a puppet by the Federation for their own means. 

A lame and largely forgettable episode by scriptwriter Allan Prior, the co-creator of the yachting drama Howard's Way. Avon left alone aboard the Liberator, debating whether he should abandon his crew mates still on Horizon, is probably the only positive aspect about this episode. Otherwise, there's lots of instances where Federation officials say "Kommissar!" and "Assistant Kommissar!" while Blake teaches the slaves how to share the cauldron of gruel they're given to eat. Definitely struggled to stay awake through this commie gobbledegook. Rating: 5/10

Pressure Point

Frustrated with all the foreplay, Blake decides to stick it where it hurts for the Federation; taking the battle to Earth. His plan is to destroy Central Control, the computer network and nerve centre of the Terran Federation, effectively toppling the authoritarian regime's iron grip over the galaxy. Thus, Blake teams up with resistance leader Kasabi, the former tutor of Servalan who harbours obvious beef with the ruthless Supreme Commander.

Terry Nation returns with one of the best episodes in the series thus far. Obviously, the mission fails; resulting in the death of the underdeveloped Olag Gan, a member of Blake's outlaw gang. Farewell, Gan! We hardly knew you. Nevertheless, Pressure Point is an action packed episode with an intriguing dose of betrayal. It's a lot of fun seeing Blake, Avon, Vila and the soon to snuff it Gan fighting their way to Central Control. This includes a genuinely tense scene where the lads traverse through a minefield. Also, despite my dislike for Croucher's portrayal of Travis, I did enjoy the scenes between him and Servalan during this episode. Rating: 10/10

Trial

In the aftermath of Gan's death, Blake decides to do some soul searching on an uninhabited planet while his crew ponder over whether to still follow him or not. Meanwhile, Travis does some of his own reflection as he awaits court-martial.

An introspective episode after the action-packed events of the previous one, but a good one, regardless. It's intriguing to discover that the unnamed planet (which looks like it might have been filmed in the Blue Peter garden) is in fact a living creature. It's also engrossing to find out that Blake and Zil, the ridiculous looking alien he befriends, have very limited time left before the living planet floods the surface with oceans of its own saliva to cleanse itself of all the parasites living on it. Overall, I found this part of the episode more interesting than Travis's trial. However, much like Pressure Point, I did find Brian Croucher's performance tolerable here. Kind of funny seeing John Savident, better known for playing Fred Elliott on Coronation Street along with Kevin Lloyd, who was D.C. Tosh Lines on The Bill, playing characters from the Terran Federation. Rating: 7/10

Killer

Avon and Vila teleport down to the Federation planet of Fosforon to get their hands on a translator crystal which would vitally aid them in decoding enemy transmissions. Tynus, the commander of the Q-Base installation, is an old "friend" of Avon; one who owes the renegade engineer a big favour. Blake also teleports down to the installation after a derelict, centuries-old spaceship drifts over the planet. Cally telepathically senses immense danger inside the ship.

Two great plot lines running concurrently by the legendary Doctor Who writer Robert Holmes. What starts off as a heist story eventually turns into a horrific contagion story; with a whiff of zombie goodness. Avon and Vila are a perfect double act, and it's great seeing them working together in this fantastic episode. Tynus, is played by Ronald Lacey, a natural at playing odious and slimy characters; best known for his characters Harris on the classic sitcom Porridge as well as Gestapo officer Arnold Ernst Toht in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). Hence, you're waiting for the all important betrayal while the killer plague ravages the installation. Killer episode. Rating: 10/10

Hostage

After a run-in with Federation pursuit ships, the Liberator receives a message from Travis, who has now gone rogue. The dastardly villain has Blake's ex, Inga, hostage on the planet Exbar. Blake's uncle, Ushton, lives on the planet, who might be able to help.

WTF? Blake and Inga are literally kissing cousins! That's about the only memorable detail from what's otherwise a completely forgettable episode; that, and the fact Jenna gets a little jealous when she sees them kiss. I was mostly bored by this episode, and not even Avon and Vila could rescue it once they entered the mix. Therefore, I kept myself occupied googling what else Judy Buxton, the actress who played Inga, had done as she looked familiar. Turns out she was in I Don't Want to Be Born (1975), starring Joan Collins and a bunch of other cult legends no doubt ashamed of that god awful movie. She later married the actor who played Spike from the sitcom Hi-de-Hi. Rating: 5/10

Countdown

The Liberator reaches the planet Albion, searching for a Federation major once linked to Control Centre and might know of its new location. However, Albion's rebels are close to victory, thus the Federation activate a Solium radiation device which will wipe out all life on the planet. It's a race against time for Blake to find Major Provine, while Avon and Grant, a rebel who blames him for his sister's death, are on a tense-filled mission to deactivate the lethal weapon with the little time they have.

Once again, another stellar episode penned by Terry Nation. A riveting watch, with both plot lines lending to some thoroughly tense and suspenseful scenes. Incredibly entertaining watching all the convoluted hoops Avon and Grant have to go through in order to deactivate the bomb; even having to teleport to the polar ice cap and thaw it out. Loved it. Possibly the best of the second season, in my opinion. Rating: 10/10

Voice from the Past

During one of Cally's Rainbow Rhythms exercise sessions, Blake experiences severe mental pain brought about from the conditioning done to him by the Federation. It's revealed to be a subliminal signal, ordering him to divert from his ship's current course to the asteroid P-K118 instead. He convinces Vila it's a conspiracy engineered by the rest of the crew, where they subsequently lock them up. When Blake arrives on the asteroid's base, he meets rebel leader Shivan and Ven Glyn, a key figure who falsified evidence against him, who has defected over.

A convoluted episode from Roger Parkes, a writer who also contributed to a number of screenplays for another of Terry Nation's TV creations; the series Survivors. Sadly, what might have potentially been an episode full of of intrigue fundamentally yo-yos from tediously dull conversations to shambolically comedic once you see and hear Shivan on screen. I'm surprised the cast and crew were able to keep a straight face. Shivan's real identity is of no real surprise; it's so bloody obvious. Rating: 4/10

Gambit

After the events of Countdown, Blake learns that Control Centre has been renamed Star One and the former Terran Federation cybersurgeon, Docholli, might be able to know of its location. The crew of the Liberator find the cybersurgeon in the seedy quarter of the metropolis known as Freedom City, along with Travis working as the cybersurgeon's bodyguard. Blake, Jenna and Cally go in search of their their quarry. Meanwhile, unwillingly to be left behind, Avon and Vila take a shrunken Orac with them and hit the casinos. Unbeknown to them all, Servalan is also in Freedom City and on the hunt for Docholli and Travis.

Hard to believe Travis was such a villainous threat at one time, and yet he's reduced to skulking about in a hat and cape looking like the Phantom of the Opera. Servalan shines in this episode like a dominatrix from Hell. Once again, Avon and Vila's side story is the most fun. Vila playing speed chess against the Klute, "a galactic grandmaster", where the loser gets fried, was my favourite scene. This was another episode by Robert Holmes. Rating: 7/10

The Keeper

After finding Docholli, Blake learns that the co-ordinates to Star One are imprinted onto a brain amulet, worn around the neck of the planet Goth's ruler. Goth is a primitive world, whose natives live similarly to Viking culture. On their heals is Travis, who also happens to be after the amulet.

Another filler episode from Allan Prior, although Jenna has more to do in this episode; albeit feigning interest in the amorous advances of Goth's ruler, Gola. The McGuffins necessary to get to Star One have really outstayed their welcome by the penultimate episode. I also found the whole story rather predictable and lacklustre; the obvious plot twist being a particular crude set-up. Rating: 5/10

Star One

Lurena, a young technician on Star One, discovers that her fellow colleagues have been replicated by alien saboteurs. Climactic weather effects have already been felt across Federation worlds because of the sabotage on Star One.The Liberator finally reaches the base, where Blake and crew discover a vast minefield in the vacuum of space designed to keep something out. When the crew learn of an Andromedan invasion, Blake abandons destroying Star One and bides time for the now alerted Federation to stop the invaders. Thus, the Liberator is all that stands to fend off the armada until his sworn enemies come to aid in the battle.

Star One is an absolute belter and by far the best episode in the series by Chris Boucher. I like the obvious inspiration taken from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, along with the Andromedan fleet being forced to funnel through a small gap in the minefield with the Liberator holding them off. Essentially the Battle of Thermopylae, but in space. Which makes for a great cliff hanger. Apparently, Terry Nation intended for the invaders to be the Daleks. Of course, it never happened, but it adds fuel to the fire that Doctor Who and Blake's 7 were set in the same universe. Also, Travis didn't pull off anything immersion breaking to spoil the whole episode. Rating: 9/10

TL; DR:

Overall, the decision to include other writers was both a gift and a curse. It obviously worked for Terry Nation, since the episodes he wrote for the second season were amongst the best in the series. Even on my least favourite episodes, the character writing was mostly faithful (with the exception of Travis). The dichotomy between Blake the idealist and Avon the realist makes for some enjoyable chemistry between the two, which really flourished in this second season.

Regarding Travis, he was the biggest disappointment. That's partly due to Stephen Greif not returning to play the character for the second season. There was a twisted and psychotic menace about Travis in the previous season, and that's sadly lost in Brian Croucher's performance. Also, Greif looked far cooler with the cardboard egg box on his face as a cybernetic implant, than the tiny eyepatch Croucher has on. Croucher's Cockney inflection didn't help the character, either.

Also, I'm not surprised Sally Knyvette exited the series given how little she had to do. However, I am bewildered Jan Chappell stayed on for another season given how much of a dead weight Cally was. Gareth Thomas, who played Roj Blake would no longer be a regular after this second season. Blake's 7 without Blake! Paul Darrow's Kerr Avon would naturally take over as the show's lead, which was always apparent from the very first season.

Looking forward to the third season box set getting released next year! Fingers crossed there's a BBC still around to release it by then.

Fidel Gastro

The Platform (Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia, 2019)

Occasionally, a film which has been on my radar winds up disappearing like Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Netflix's The Platform (2019), or, if we want to call it by its original Spanish title, El hoyo is one such film. Helmed by a first time director Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia, The Plaform piqued my interest largely due to it being a dystopian sci-fi thriller where residents of the Vertical Self-Management Centre, a vast prison tower nicknamed The Pit, serve a given period in order to achieve their freedom and improved status in the outside world. The inmates are allowed one object while confined in The Pit, which can be anything from a weapon to a violin. Each day, these individuals are fed via a magically descending concrete platform laden with food. The catch being, it's the only meal of the day and those on the highest levels can gorge on as much food as they want once the descending platform spends a short limited time on their level. Thus, the higher-ups can feast like kings, while the lesser fortunate, further down, might face the very real possibility of starving to death. Hence, The Platform is an exploration of classicism, greed and the true test of human solidarity. A further twist to this situation is the inmates being reassigned to a random level at the start of each month. 

Frank Zappa lookalike Goreng (Iván Massagué) is the latest inmate. Armed with a copy of Cervantes's novel Don Quixote, it's not long before he's forced to learn the basic rule of survival inside the megastructure: Eat to survive! Goreng's cellmate, Trimigasi (Zorion Eguileor), a short and stocky elderly man with a misanthropic outlook on life, is wondering how long his new cellmate will last.Trimigasi is also pleased that he's on Level 48 in the complex; a relatively high level where food is more likely to be available from the upper level. More chance of leftovers. The disparity between the two individuals could never be more different; including the reasons for their admittance in The Pit. Goreng volunteered to be in their for an accredited diploma, while it was either a one year stint in the hell hole or forever in a psychiatric hospital for throwing a TV out of his window and accidentally murdering someone.

Goreng comes with the solution that it would be fairer to ration the food. An amused Trimigasi asks him, if he's a communist. Goreng attempts to persuade the higher ups, unsurprisingly, he's ridiculed. Similarly, his plea is also rejected by those below him. It's not helped when the odious Trimigasi urinates on the lower level after they complain about no wine being left, either. The elderly cellmate's logic being they would have done the same, if the tables were turned.

Trimigasi: The people below us are below us.

Goreng: Next month they might be above us. 

Trimigasi: Yes, and they'll piss on us. The bastards.

Goreng also has his first encounter with the beautiful Miharu (Alexandra Masangkay), a mute and battle-scarred woman, who rides the platform in the desperate hope of finding her child in the lower depths of the pit. Goreng is shocked by the notion of a child even being in the concrete hellhole. And yet, as Goreng's first month rolls by, he adapts to his environment; becoming more comfortable with eating from the platform and forming a close bond with Trimigasi. The scenes where he reads to his elderly cellmate and they exercise together for their mental and physical healths, are genuinely endearing.

Our cellmates' relationship takes a dramatic turn once the sleeping gas wears off and Goreng wakes up tied and gagged to his bed by Trimigasi. It's the start of a new month, and the pair are now way down the hole on Level 171. Starvation is very real. Trimigasi has been in this position before and survived it by resorting to cannibalism. The elderly man proposes a dark and twisted offer to his cellmate: he'll carve strips of Goreng's flesh to feed the both of them. In the midsts of his leg being cut up by the old cannibal, he's saved by Miharu and Trimigasi is subsequently killed by Goreng. Thus, the wannabe revolutionary himself turns to cannibalism in order to the rest of the month in the Pit. Having eaten human flesh, the act has made Goreng see visions of Trimigasi; haunting him from beyond the grave.

Another month, another twist of fate. Goreng is now on Level 33, a far more survivable part of the Pit. He's greeted by Ramses II, a sausage dog owned by a woman named Imoguiri (Antonia San Juan), the very same admittance officer who interviewed him for his application for the Vertical Self-Management Centre. Having lost her fight with cancer, the new inmate has decided to spend her final weeks learning of what her work has led to. She quickly learns how naïve she has been and makes similar pleas for solidarity and rationing to the other levels, echoing Goreng's first month. But it hits much harder for Imoguiri being a former employee for this diabolical construction. She has blood on her hands. How many have died here? Could her employers really have put a child in this ungodly construct? When the month passes, Goreng discovers he's on Level 202. Imoguiri has taken her own life. Once again, Goreng must eat human flesh. Another vision forever accompanying our protagonist. Imoguiri and Trimigasi now serving as our protagonist's good versus bad conscience.

Ascending to a more privileged Level 6 the following month, Goreng has a plan. Estimating there must be around 250 levels, our protagonist persuades his latest cellmate, Baharat (Emilio Buale), a religious man who literally gets shitted on by the higher-ups during an escape attempt, to descend to the lower levels with him in order to feed the prisoners below. They will demand the inmates on the first fifty levels to go without food for the day and use physical force if necessary to enforce it. During their decent, they encounter a scholar who suggests a message must also be sent to the hand that feeds them on Level 0; an untouched dish. The panna cotta is the message. 

The slow descent to the lower levels is easily the piece de resistance of The Platform. Gaztelu-Urrutia takes obvious inspiration from Dante's Inferno. The two cellmates traversing down on the magical concrete slab makes for compelling viewing. You're never sure what they expect. On one level you see charred remains of two people, on another two cellmates in a rubber pool, who turn out to be the film's story writers. A further twist is the platform going even further down than Goreng's estimation. It turns out out to be 333 levels. Two cellmates on each level. It couldn't be more clear what the Pit represents.

Gaztelu-Urrutia's commentary on capitalism and classism is about as subtle as being punched in the face by Frank Castle. Hardly, the first film with these criticisms, let alone the only that year. Bong Joon Ho's critically acclaimed Parasite (2019) was also released at the time. However, the South Korean black comedy, is a far more stylish and nuanced offering, whereas The Platform is ugly and austere. Incidentally, The Platform has more in common with Bong Joon Ho's dystopian sci-fi thriller Snowpiercer (2013), but the advantage of Tilda Swinton and Chris Evans not being in it. Another obvious influence is Vincenzo Natali's proto-Saw film Cube (1997) in its concept. Each of  The Platform's characters seem to represent archetypes in the dog eat dog world of the capitalist hierarchy: Trimigasi completely capable of committing evil to get to the top, while Imoguiri being blissfully unaware of her part in the brutal system she's contributed to until it's too late. Lastly, Goreng representing the socialist revolutionary striving for solidarity resorting to violence to enforce it after all pleasantries fail. The viewer never gets to see who runs the show, only a grim looking maître d' and cooks meticulously preparing the banquet of incredible food which is never enough to feed everyone.

The only real gripe is the ambiguous ending that I won't spoil. Considering how openly blunt the film's messaging has been, why opt for a cop out ending that's so intentionally vague? A notable sore point observed from other reviewers. Regardless, this wasn't enough to ruin my overall impression of the film. The many positives outweighed those final moments.

The Platform is a horrifying film; brutal, nihilistic and hard to recommend to any dog lovers. However, it's the film's sci-fi concept which is the most extreme aspect. The brutalist construct boxing everyone into various levels as an allegory to the class system. I absolutely loved this film so much, I immediately hunted checked out Gaztelu-Urrutia's two other subsequent efforts. Alas, both The Platform 2 (2024) and Rich Flu (2024 /25) are significant downgrades and even more infested with shameless Marxist propaganda than your kid's university. The latter film being utterly soporific despite a ridiculous premise of a virus which only targets the wealthy. In any case, at least comrade Gaztelu-Urrutia has one truly great film under his belt, making it a crying shame it's rotting on Netflix and not available on any English friendly physical format release.

Doctor Do Little

Given my recent review of the first Doctor Who film, it's only right I inflict some of my thoughts on this blog for the current season of the show, which ended over the weekend. With the exception of an upcoming spin-off, the chances of the series returning anytime soon doesn't look too promising. Therefore, I've indulged in a personal rundown on the recent season of the show and the short tenure of its Fifteenth Doctor, as played by Ncuti Gatwa:

The Robot Revolution

AKA, 'Planet of the Incels'. Kicking off the season premiere with a prologue which introduces the Doctor's new companion, Belinda Chandra (Varada Sethu). A certificate naming a distant planet after Belinda is given to her by her controlling boyfriend, Alan. Years later, she's  abducted by giant robots and taken to that very same planet, Missbelindachandra. When the villain is revealed to be Belinda's ex, 'The Robot Revolution' serves as a topical warning over A.I. and the abusers who wield it. Al is reduced to a microscopic embryo in the final act, and effectively killed by the comical cleaning roomba which sweeps him up. Bizarrely, the Doctor celebrates Al's demise with a joyful high kick. The season premiere also begins the mystery as to why the Doctor can't return Belinda back to Earth on 24th of May.

'The Robot Revolution' is a fairly so-so episode, but a notable improvement over the previous season's woeful opener, 'Space Babies'. Varada Sethu playing the reluctant companion is reminiscent of Tegan Jankova from the classic era of the series. Which makes her at the very least an interesting character, initially. The retro look of the robots and the rocket ship give off vintage sci-fi aesthetic, but the rest of the production resembles an MCU film. As a result, it all looks a and feels like a cartoon. Rating: 4/10 

Lux 

Speaking of cartoons, here's a literal one and another instance of Russell T Davies's driving obsession with god entities, AKA, the Pantheon of Discord, from the previous series. 'Lux' is the God of Light possessing Mr. Ring-a-ding, a Max Fleischer style cartoon character come to life in a Fifties cinema, somewhere in Miami. A device known as the vindicator is this series' macguffin in helping Belinda get back home. Obviously, it doesn't work too well as they come here instead.

As tedious as all this Pantheon of Discord is, this might be a rare instance where it isn't so irksome. The whole meta concept of the Doctor and Belinda being trapped in a celluloid film is at the least, a novel situation for the time lord. What's more, the episode's antagonist becomes more terrifying as he evolves into being three-dimensional, so there are elements of horror there, too. Sadly, RTD's writing lets this episode down as both the Doctor and Belinda aren't the ones who save the day. It's Linus Roache's cinema projectionist that does, robbing our main characters' sense of urgency; resulting in an underwhelming ending, where the villain expands into nothing in space.

There's some unintentional comedy once the Doctor and Belinda meet a sad looking bunch of Doctor Who fans. Is this how RTD envisions Doctor Who fans to look and behave? Nevertheless, it leads into some eye-rolling meta commentary regarding the actual show; including an obvious dig at the show's haters with its addressing of  #RIPDoctorWho. Rating: 5/10 

The Well

Set on a mysterious planet, half a million years in the future, 'The Well' is the most traditional sci-fi episode, harkening back to RTD's first tenure as show-runner on the series. More accurately, 'The Well' is a sequel to a beloved episode of his 'Midnight'.

Disabled cook, Aliss Fenly (Rose Aylling-Ellis), is the sole survivor of a mining colony slaughter. She is discovered by the Doctor, Belinda and a squad of Marines investigating the mining base. It's not long before the kills start happening again.

Easily, a return to vintage Nu-Who, and that's largely because it carries that dark, sci-fi horror atmosphere which was once synonymous back in the day. That's all thrown away once the Doctor boosts into bombastic action to resolve the situation and Murray Gold's upbeat score; completely changing the sci-fi horror element which initially made it so engrossing. Yet again, it's a secondary character who saves the day (or maybe not) with her sacrifice helping the Doctor and Belinda to escape from the mining world.

Nevertheless, the episode does manage to end on a positive note, thanks to its twist ending and the possible suggestion of another future story involving the Midnight entity. The highlight of the season, in my opinion. Rating: 6/10 

Lucky Day

We catch up with the Fifteenth Doctor's first companion, Ruby Sunday (Millie Gibson, no relation to Mel), AKA the show's very own Rey Skywalker as revealed by RTD. She's found true love with popular podcaster, Conrad Clark (Jonah Hauer-King). 

Sadly, it turns out Conrad is a slime ball, and has been exploiting Ruby to fulfil his own personal agenda in exposing U.N.I.T (Unified Intelligence Taskforce - should be U.I.T., innit?).

'Lucky Day' serves as the show's critique on the rising influence of fake news and the increasing popularity of alternative media; as opposed to traditional fake news, I suppose. It's a Doctor Who-lite episode, yet the Doctor does manage to turn up near the end. His words, an obvious extension of RTD, via his disciple, this episode's scriptwriter Peter McTighe, and their critique on populism and the alternative media.

"You have to be invited into my TARDIS, Conrad. To be special. But you? You're special... for all the wrong reasons. You see, I am fighting a battle on behalf of everyday people... who just want to get through their day, and feel safe, and warm, and fed. And then along comes this... noise. All day long, this relentless noise. Cowards like you, weaponising lies, taking people's insecurity and fear and making it currency. You are exhausting. You stamp on the truth, choke our bandwidth and shred our patience. Because the only strategy you have is to wear us down. But the thing is, Conrad, I have energy to burn and all the time in the universe."—The Doctor

This is an episode where the plot holes become more apparent the more you think about it, e.g. Conrad knowing about the Doctor, yet still determined to expose UNIT as scaremongers and deceivers. Still, despite the flaws, 'Lucky Day' is one of the highlights of the series, thanks to Millie Gibson's performance  and being able to carry an episode on her own (like last season's '73 Yards'). There's also Conrad's smug retort to the Doctor, "I don't respect your reality, Doctor. I reject it. So put me back in my prison and get off my world." which I found surprisingly based for a villain who's been told by the Doctor he'd be kicking the bucket at the age of forty-nine in a prison cell. Rating: 5/10 

The Story and the Engine

While setting another course point for the vindicator in Lagos, Nigeria in the year 2019 (why that particular year, it's never explained), the Doctor decides to get a haircut. It's also where he feels ethnically comfortable in his current incarnation. Our protagonist finds himself trapped with the fellow patrons inside the barbershop. This particular barber shop happens to be riding on the back of a giant spider travelling through space and fuelled by the telling of folk tales and stories. 

It's Doctor Who meets Desmonds (1989-1994) in yet another episode which is more fantasy and magic  than science fiction. Which makes this one of the less appealing episodes of the series, personally. 

The potential of giving a folk horror story a sci-fi spin, a la the amazing Third Doctor serial, 'The Dæmons', is completely squandered here, making this an underwhelming and largely boring watch. What's more, the villain of the episode, who is determined to sacrifice the universe to kill the Pantheon of Discord, is treated with more sympathy than some of the other rotten eggs featured in this series. Which makes Gatwa's Doctor such an inconsistent character and difficult to get a grasp of.

Written by playwright Inua Ellams, responsible for creating a theatrical production called Barber Shop Chronicles, which also shares the theme of various barber shop patrons telling their stories, this is effectively an adaptation of it shoved into Doctor Who (no pun intended). It might have worked given a bit more development, but the sci-fi element is largely missing here, despite having a giant spider in space. As a result, I was bored and mentally checked out around twenty minute mark. Rating 3/10 

The Interstellar Song Contest

The Doctor is still struggling to return Belinda back home, but they've wondered hundreds of years in the future on a space station hosting the annual Interstellar Song Contest broadcast across the galaxies.

A play on the kitsch value of the current Eurovision Song Contest, that's nothing but a blatant vote rigging tournament where various countries vote for their bordering neighbours. Vapid brainlets are equally performative in their cultural politics as their rancid stage number.

Fortunately, beneath the camp and excess, there's a half decent plot here, where a terrorist threatens the lives of trillions as revenge for his home planet being pillaged and destroyed for its honey. Obviously, comparisons to current events in the world are intentional, but at the very least Kid (Freddie Fox), the horned antagonist of the episode, has a bit more depth to him in comparison to some of the other recurring characters on the show; including the Fifteenth Doctor. 

Plot conveniences, like a couple who happen to be the very people able to resuscitate the Doctor after he experiences flying in the freezing vacuum of space with a confetti cannon, and who are also able to pluck the thousands of audience attendees in zero gravity in next to no time while Bucks Fizz plays in the background, robs the episode of the horrendous atrocity committed by Kid. However, the Doctor torturing our villain is an unexpected turn; one that's genuinely interesting, as it conjures the possibility of the Valeyard, the dark future incarnation of the Doctor, potentially making an appearance (he doesn't). The Doctor is stopped from causing further pain to the terrorist after a vision of his grand daughter Susan Foreman (Carol Anne Ford) begs him to stop. Can't wait to see her again! The vindicator finally has the necessary information to get Belinda back home, but once they arrive in the TARDIS, the ship's doors are detroyed. Can't wait for a viable explanation!

The prolonged mystery box that is Mrs. Flood (Anita Dobson) is finally revealed as the Rani (like we predictably suspected); hilariously in a mid-credits scene. It's followed by the mythical bi-generation occurring for a second time in two years and introducing a more dominant Rani (Archie Panjabi). Can't wait to see her in action. Rating 5/10 

Wish World

This is it, the penultimate episode of the series. The pawns are all in place and the game is set. Not before we see the Rani galloping to some nineteenth century shack in Bavaria and abducting some newborn baby able to grant wishes from his family. More magic!

Thus, the newborn, Conrad and the Ranis are the Unholy Trinity. They've created an Orwellian world, where an obedient and traditionalist society dwells  beneath their floating bone palace.

The Doctor and Belinda are a married couple and they even have a young daughter called Poppy. Ruby is unaffected by this new reality and attempts to convince the Doctor all is not right in this world. She manages to sow the seeds of doubt which tend to result in cups falling through tables in this world. The fact that giant bone dinosaurs walk around London like AT-AT walkers ought to have been convincing on their own, don't you think?

This really ought to have been called 'Wishy Washy World' as it's a poorly written episode that really goes nowhere for much of its run time. The scenes where the Ranis are on screen are the rare positives about this penultimate episode. Having one of the Rani's providing a giant exposition dump and telling the viewer that it isn't exposition, isn't going to convince anyone.

To highlight how underwhelming this episode is, last season's penultimate episode, 'The Legend of Ruby Sunday' had at the very least revealed the return of the powerful villain Sutekh from 'Pyramids of Mars'; albeit as a giant CGI dog that looked like Roland Rat on crack, who'd been squatting on top of the TARDIS. Nevertheless, it was an incredible cliffhanger which left me genuinely excited for the finale. This time, the writing was horrid. So many elements and questions which needed answering, and yet nothing resolved for this episode; in fact more questions like the revelation of Poppy being the Doctor's daughter were introduced. Rating 2/10 

The Reality War 

It's the big one! Will RTD answer those all important questions and mystery boxes he introduced in the show since his return? Will he explain the bi-generations. Will the Doctor find Susan? How come Poppy is the Doctor's daughter? How will the Doctor defeat the two Ranis? Will Rogue be rescued from the Hell dimension? Will we get an explanation for all those immersion breaking fourth wall breaks? Will Russell answer all of these important questions in a little over sixty minutes? Short answer: He doesn't.

Made the rookie mistake of watching last season's finale, 'Empire of Death' completely sober. Thus, it wasn't even drunkenly hilarious seeing Sutekh being dragged on a leash in the vortex. On this occasion, I'd already downed a few glasses of Jamieson's before The Hit List had even ended. 

Overall, this was a dreadful finale. Perhaps the biggest gaffe, was how the antagonists were dispatched so swiftly during this complete dross. Archie Panjabi's Rani being eaten by Omega was a huge anticlimax; even worse, is Omega conveniently being sent back to his dimension after only two minutes of actual screen time. An even worse fate is Conrad Clark working as a kitchen cleaner in South London restaurant. Much of the episode being boringly spent on Poppy, who effectively proved to be an anticlimactic non-entity, (just like Ruby Sunday revealed as an ordinary human being in the prior season finale, despite possessing the power to make it snow) forced the episode to tick by at a crawling pace. Why invest so much time towards such a fundamentally disappointing subplot?

The one potentially redeeming moment in this diversionary subplot, is when Belinda and Poppy are isolated inside the hastily constructed Zero Room. Naively thought this was Russell ingeniously leading up to the discovery of the Timeless Child being found by Tectuen, from Chris Chibnall's controversial episode. Turned out it wasn't, along with Belinda being robbed of any further development and essentially being written out as another forgettable companion.

As well as the alcohol, the advanced knowledge regarding the outlandish, online rumours of the Thirteenth Doctor's brief cameo and the Doctor regenerating into Billie Piper, cushioned the crushing cringe for me. Although, I didn't instantly recognise Piper's face at first with all that filler and botox used on her face. Both of these scenes screamed of reshoots, and cemented the rumours of Ncuti Gatwa's abrupt departure from the series.

In conclusion: This was an abysmal mess and a terrible finale; one that any self respecting exec over at the BBC would want to call an emergency board meeting. Time to give it a rest while some new blood and fresh talent can be found. A better prospect than having to endure Russel T. Davies squatting over a cult series and defecating all over its legacy for another season. Rating 1/10 

Won't pretend I enjoyed Gatwa's portrayal of the Doctor. He was far closer to playing Mindbender Futurama than an ancient Time Lord from the distant world of Gallifrey. He hardly got to do anything during his short stint in the role; other than be vain, smug and cry on cue. More critically, he lacked the convictions in his performances as the Doctor. Hence, he came across as rather shallow. There were rare moments, where he showed some potential, but it was always offset with him being just loud, annoying and superficial. What we got was Ncuti Gatwa being Ncuti Gatwa. That's not to say he was completely to blame, however. If anything, much like Jodie Whittaker, he was horribly miscast for the lead. A stunt cast; like every other actor who has followed Peter Capaldi's Twelfth Doctor.

The real blame is undoubtedly, Russel T. Davies. The same man who breathed new life into the property in 2005, has suffocated it with an unchecked ego, soap operatic writing and revisionist retcons. The focus on grand spectacle, mystery boxes, and nostalgia bait rather than cohesive plot lines, satisfying character arcs and a sense of responsibility towards this beloved property, have been catastrophic. This was a show that desperately needed rescuing after Chris Chibnall's incompetence as its previous show runner. If anything, RTD doubled and tripled down, which resulted in the show's even further decline in quality; reflected in a massive drop in viewers.

Hopefully, a lesson might have been learnt from all this. Who knows?