Opinions Are Like... (Part 2)

Felt compelled to write another "unpopular opinions" list after wasting my Saturday night going to the local multiplex and seeing that god awful film with Michelle Yeoh in it. Jackie Chan dodged a bullet.

 

1. If ever a film screamed, "Look at me, Reddit millennials!" it's the stupendously boring, Rick and Morty style multiverse farce, Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) by them two blokes who directed the Turn Down for What music video. Speaking of multiverses, I now realise I'm living in the same universe where me and The Guardian's Peter Bradshaw don't like this film. WTF?

 

2. Neither Deep Cover (1992) nor Menace II Society (1993) would have received the Criterion treatment a decade ago; in fact, both of these films would have been mocked and dismissed by Tarkovsky arse-kissers and other annoyingly pompous cinephiles as typical rapsloitation trash. Predicting King of New York (1990) and Fresh (1994) getting the same treatment in the not too distant future.

3. The last great film trilogy was 20th Century Fox's reboot / reimagining of The Planet of the Apes.

 

4. Fuck Terrence Malick! The greatest comeback by a director, was by Herscell Gordon Lewis for Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat (2002), returning to the director's seat after a thirty year hiatus.

5. Film critics who exploit their status to sway public opinion; be it social or political, deserve to lose their jobs.

6. One of the most powerful performances from the last decade was by a Hollyoaks actress, Jemma Dallender in I Spit On Your Grave 2 (2013). It's also the best film from the remake trilogy. Film critic / journalist, Art Ettinger might be the only other person sharing this same sentiment as me. Props to Arty!

 

7. The best film from Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy is For A Few Dollars More (1965). Lee Van Cleef and Clint Eastwood have the best chemistry together as rival bounty hunters, while Juan Maria Volonté's El Indio excels as the best villain from the entire trilogy.

8. Steve McQueen's Shame (2011) is way too ridiculous to be taken remotely seriously and should only be appreciated as an unintentional comedy, like Tommy Wiseau's The Room (2003).

9. Trey Parker's Team America: World Police (2005) is one of the best films of the noughties. It's also one of the best comedies to date, and it puts the likes of overrated satirical shite like Dr. Strangelove (1964) to shame; especially when its mockery of Hollywood actors feels even more necessary today.

10. No one would be referring to Gaspar Noé or Claire Denis' names today if it wasn't for France's ostracised horror faction that became associated with the New French Extremity movement. Alexandre Aja did more for the scene than either of them and still doesn't get the respect he deserves today.

 

11. Both Jesús Franco and Jean Rollin were a couple of pornographers whose horror and sexploitation films were rescued from bargain bin hell and found recognition by pretentious arthouse critics, in the vain attmpt to make them appear acceptable to their exploitation movie peers.

12. Alfonso Cuarón's Roma (2018) is nothing more than a beautifully shot yawnfest with no real sense of direction. My interpretation of one drawn out scene in particular, where the film's maid protagonist, Cleo sweeps away dog shit in her employers' garage, speaks volumes to me, since it's basically instructing its audience to be complete idiots and overlook all the obvious shite which plagues the film.

13. The most heartwarming thought pertaining to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is knowing that its fanbase will be mocked by the next future generation; much like today's middle aged Star Wars fans.

14. Wes Craven's The People Under the Stairs (1991) virtually sabotages itself in the very last few minutes by the angry mob, along with the ill-suited use of Redhead Kingpin & the F.B.I's Do the Right Thing; completely changing the tone of the film. Wasn't good enough for Spike Lee's movie and it shouldn't have been for Wes Craven's film, either.

15. The only real mainstay regarding James Whale's The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) is that Jack Pierce hit another home run with his iconic make-up design for The Bride. Other than that, it's an inferior sequel that's been over praised by critics and film historians who mysteriously forget the light hearted distractions which ruin the film. It's predecessor, Frankenstein (1931), is still the superior film and still disturbing today.

16. The liberal application of the phrase "cult classic", often extends with palliating films that aren't for everyone. Hal Ashby's grossly overrated "comedy", Harold and Maude (1971) is one such example. A film where an elderly woman and a teenage boy form an emotional bond, while getting into a series of hijinks together, which ultimately culminates in them having sex. It's completely repulsive and the only memorable thing about this unfunny snoozefest. It's appraisal by film critics and connoiseurs should be a red flag to any discerning fan of cinema.

17. Not only has Fast & Furious 7 (2015) aged better than other seventh installments from other popular franchises released in the very same year (Creed and The Force Awakens), it also has a plot that doesn't steal from its respective first entry and pass it off as a sequel or as an original property.

18. Duckie was the real antagonist in John Hughes' Pretty in Pink (1986).

19. Studio interference can be a necessary evil. An example of which is the theatrical version of Leon, aka, The Professional (1994) being far superior in comparison to the disturbingly noncey additional scenes from Luc Besson's director's cut. Genuinely regret ever watching his director's cut and have never returned to either version ever since. Same goes with Clive Barker's Nightbreed (1990).

 

20. The jocks were the good guys in Revenge of the Nerds (1984).