Bloc Busters

Tetris (Jon S. Baird, 2023)

Theoretically, a film based on the acquisition for the licensing rights to a video game should be a complete turn off for most people. A film adaptation on the actual video game would be a far more attractive proposition. Therefore, it comes as a total surprise that Jon S. Baird's Tetris (2023) is a far better film than it has any right to be.

Other than a niche collective of game historians, who would have known that Tetris would be associated with Soviet bureaucracy and duplicitous dealings with the shady media proprietor, Robert Maxwell? Not me, that's for certain.

Taron Egerton plays Henk Rogers, the video games entrepreneur who helped bring Alexy Pajitnov's Tetris to the west. So successful would it be, that it would become one of the biggest selling games of all time. Got to hand it to Egerton, he seems to have an eye for landing similarly unusual film roles as his peer Daniel Radcliffe, but with far more aplomb.

Seen Filth (2013) and Stan & Ollie (2018) from director Jon S. Baird and he's definitely proven to me he's a competent film maker; Tetris is the latest example of his proficiency. The fact that he was able to creatively adapt an unappeling premise, without resorting to sleep-inducing red tape and stuffy legal jargon, displays his consideration for respecting the viewer's levels of immersion. That's not to say the film is flawless, because it's far from it, but Tetris does have enough appeal and charm to make it an entertaining film experience.

Of course, being set during the twilight era of the Cold War, the usual predictable clichés of the Eastern Bloc hasn't changed much since Rocky IV (1985). If it isn't broke, why fix it? Well done to the location scout for finding grey and depressing dumps that perfectly resemble the brutalist vistas of Soviet Moscow. Modern day Scotland proved to be a perfect substitute for a run down Communist shit hole from the eighties. And being that it's set during such a nostalgia driven period, Russian covers of recognisable pop hits also play an obligatory role in the film. Crazy fact: including Tetris, Holding Out for a Hero has appeared on three films released over the last month. On a positive note, the mix of Pet Shop Boys' Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) with Aaron Hibell's Benevolence during the end credits is a marriage made in heaven.

Particularly fond of Roger Allam's portrayal of Robert Maxwell. His physical transformation as the reprehensible publishing giant is so grotesque that it often results with him scene stealing. One exception however, is when Toby Jones, recycling the same comedic accent he used when he played Armin Zola in the Captain America films, hilariously punches Kevin Maxwell in the face. Had me cheering him during that scene.

Being a film based on a real life event, authenticity is hardly a top priority. There were more than a handful of times where I asked myself if some of the scenes were genuinely factual, long before the talked about and completely embellished car chase sequence. Highlights from that particular scene are whenever the cars make physical contact and instantaneously becoming pixelated, along with video game sound effects. Completely ridiculous, but a welcome occurrence in the film. Also, it's a prime example of a film knowing exactly when to exercise levity and not let it dominate its very own fabric like what ended happened to Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022).

At around two hours run time, Tetris is a little too long for my personal liking, but that's an issue that's sadly b the norm for films today. Thankfully, its many pros outweigh any faults I experienced, managing to put it in my good book. A surprisingly enjoyable effort given its premise, and one which realistically deserved a proper theatrical release instead of ending up on Apple TV+ and Roku.

Tetris (Car Chase scene)

Jon S. Baird, 2023

Nobody Puts Ricky in a Corner

Hot diggity! Former head honcho of the BBFC, James Ferman, must be turning over in his grave right about now. With ex-BBC Breakfast presenter Natasha Kaplinsky taking over the reins as the current president of the BBFC, she put the kibosh on a lingering leftover from Ferman's dictatorship by finally passing uncut Ruggero Deodato's film The House on the Edge of the Park (1980) in the UK.

To my knowledge, the film was never actually banned, but it was butchered to an inch of its life. Once considered the most censored film in the UK, here's an extract from the highly recommendable book Shock! Horror! Astounding Artwork from the Video Nasty Era sharing some insight into just how draconian the BBFC were over Deodato's film:

"It's funnny to think that this truly outrageous Italian shocker, starring David Hess, the utterly convincing psycho from The Last House on the Left, was actually submitted to the BBFC... It would have been hilarious to see the examiners' faces when this film unspooled in their cosy Soho screening room.

Despite the film's fearsome reputation, it was still surprising to discover that, when re-submitted for video classification by VIPCO's Mike Lee in 2002, a whopping 11 minutes 43 seconds of cuts were ordered before a certificate would be granted." - Brewster, Fenton & Morris, Shock! Horror! Astounding Artwork from the Video Nasty Era, p 217, FAB Press, 2005.

I wonder if Natasha Kaplinsky passing this truly problematic film uncut might be attributed to Ricky and Gloria's dance scene? Perhaps it rekindled the time she was on Strictly Come Dancing and being crowned the series' first celebrity winner. Not watched a single episode since Darcey Bussell left, but I would definitely tune in again if Kaplinsky returned to the show to perform the dance scene with Italy's whipping boy, John Morghen AKA Giovanni Lombardo Radice.

The House on the Edge of the Park (Dance scene)

Ruggero Deodato, 1980 

The Wish List: ‘Dirty New Yorker’ Edition

Another edition of first world problems. Instead of adding completely random picks for the growing Dada Debaser Wish List, here are five grubby films set in New York City which prove the Big Apple really was the Rotten Apple.

Blood Sucking Freaks (Joel M. Reed, 1976)

Out of print for years and and it's one of the few Troma films I would even bother getting. Gutted. If you've never seen it, chances are you've still heard of Blood Sucking Freaks, or The Incredible Torture Show if we want to call it by its original title. A cheap and scuzzy seventies exploitation horror with a title that's synonymous with film pop culture and beyond.

Crammed with enough grotesque scene to repulse and offend most people, it's no surprise it became the scorn of many a film critic. Despite its nastiness, it effectively hits the mark with its satirical take on pretentious theatre art. The Grand Guignol theme is bang on. Master Sardo and Ralphus are the Mr. Roarke and Tattoo of New York depravity.

From severed tongues to Native Tongues, it must have struck a chord with the legendary rap group De La Soul as it's Plug One's favourite Troma movie and Prince Paul sampled dialogue from it, too.

Ms .45 (Abel Ferrara, 1981)

Could probably list a few other Abel Ferrara films which deserve the HD treatment too, but I've always been torn between Ms .45 and The King of New York (1990) as my favourite Ferrara film, and the latter is already available as a gorgeous 4K release from Arrow Video. Hopefully, Ms .45 receives similar treatment.

Huge fan of vigilante films, but rape revenge thrillers; a category which can often result into an uncomfortable viewing experience, even for a desensitised film head like your host, are tough to revist with more frequency. Despite it hitting like a sledgehammer, Ferrara's vigilante flick is a surprisingly more palatable offering in comparison to a film like I Spit on Your Grave (1978).

Drugs really destroyed the film's lead, Zoë Lund as I bearly recognised her when she appeared in Ferrara's Bad Lieutenant (1992).

Paid the price in avoiding an import blu-ray, thinking it would eventually be released on these shores. It never did, sadly.

C.H.U.D. (Douglas Cheek, 1984)

Chud might be a cringe-worthy word thrown around by the terminally online, but I'll always associate it as the acronym for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. 

Love subterranean themed horror films and C.H.U.D. is one of the more popular efforts. It's like a portal to another world when it takes the viewer through a trip down below.

Other than the great creature effects, the film also sports a cast of actors who would eventually become recognisable names, like John Heard, Daniel Stern and John Goodman.

Can you believe C.H.U.D. has never been released on blu-ray in my region yet, but C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. (1989) has?

After Hours (Martin Scorsese, 1985)

How is the only HD release I could find of Martin Scorsese's dark comedy After Hours an expensive Spanish blu-ray? Surely one of the greatest directors around today would garner interest from distribution labels fighting one another over any of his films to release. Guessing there's a licensing problem, or it's just to expensive. Either way, it's a huge shame there hasn't been a worthy release of this film more readily available. 

This might be the only film I've seen with Griffin Dunne in anything other than An American Werewolf in London (1981). It's also the time where I've yelled at the screen at him for failing to get off with either Rosanna Arquette and Linda Fiorentino.

After Hours has Criterion release written all over it. 

A Gun for Jennifer (Todd Morris, 1997)

NYC feminists waging war on toxic males in a gory vigilante flick from the nineties are far more appealing than compared to the various heroines featured in today's acclaimed #metoo films. Personally, I see the violent femmes in A Gun for Jennifer as the spiritual daughters of Jennifer Hills from I Spit on Your Grave (1978), which makes them a lot cooler than Jodie Foster's unconvincing stint as a New York vigilante in The Brave One (2007).

Deborah Twiss turned up as Mrs. Zane, the teacher from Kick-Ass (2010). She's the only recognisable person in this film.

A Gun for Jennifer is a prime pick to get a lavish release by Vinegar Syndrome as it's a specialist in releasing top quality prints of trashy nineties films. Would forgo all that import shipping palaver and pre-order it in an instant.

EDIT:

Call me Costradamus! Criterion just announced a 4K/blu-ray release of After Hours the day after I made this blogpost.

It was written.

Floundering Nemo

Inside (Vasilis Katsoupis, 2023)

One is the loneliest number for Willem Dafoe in his latest film, Inside (2023). I can relate, since judging by the various comments and reviews I've read, I'm probably the only one who likes the film. If you watched the trailer and expected a Michael Mann style art-heist thriller, then that's on you!

Willem Dafoe plays Nemo an artist/art thief abandoned by his accomplices after a botched theft to steal an Egon Schiele self-portrait. Trapped within a swanky and inpeneterable penthouse, he's left at the mercy of the smart home's faulty automated settings and what little food is available to keep him alive. From Willem Dafoe to Daniel Defoe, Inside is conceptually Robinson Crusoe in a high-rise appartment.

What makes the prospect of Inside so enticing is seeing Dafoe, an incredible actor synonymous with playing unhinged characters, carrying an entire film while he is trapped in a single location. The premise might not appeal to some, but it's far more appealing than the usual over-hyped Hollywood brain rot out there, that's for certain. It's also wildly entertaining watching Dafoe completely trash a penthouse apartment.

Not without its faults, Defoe's performance makes this film a mesmerising viewing experince. Watching him fall into complete despair and lose his mind, feels almost sadistically entertaining. Munching on ice from the freezer to stay hydrated and keep cool from the sweltering heat coming from the aircon, is desperately gruelling. To then hear, the fridge freezer auto play the Macarena song whenever it's left open too long, is hilarious. Nemo eventually being broken by it and finding it entertaining is on par with Dr. Yen Lo's brainwashing from The Manchurian Candidate (1962).

With the plumbing turned off, water becomes a scarce commodity, and so Nemo has to collect water from taps on a timer for the house plants and take dumps in a bath. Food is also limited, and our imprisoned protagonist eventually has to resort to eating the penthouse's tropical fish and dog food.

Starved of social interaction, Nemo observes the penthouse's CCTV as a window beyond his confines; the others are a hurt pigeon facing a similar fate outside the apartment, and a video art installation room. He becomes drawn to "Jasmine", the cleaner he desperately tried to alert. As his health and mental state deteriorate, Nemo experiences hallucinatory fantasies of both her and the penthouse's owner. These surreal scenes are welcome breaks from the obvious monotony at times.

Nemo's hope of escape from his palatial confine materialises with a tall structure created from various furniture reaching up to the apartment's skylight. It resembles a modern art sculpture. There's also his elaborate mural borne from his deteriorating mental state. A person utilising his pain and suffering to creative: a satirical take on art by Katsoupis, perhaps? There's also the scene where Nemo finds William Blake's The Marriage of Heaven and Hell in a secret room. Which is right about the time the film takes an about turn into the existential and symbolic representations of mankind's relationship with Heaven and Hell.

Biggest gripe with the film was its finale. Ambiguous endings are often a clichéd cop-out. A cheap trick employed by pretentious film makers. Their intention might have been to let the viewer fill the last piece, but it often comes across as either their lacking the necessary skill, or apparent laziness to effectively end their film with the same level of expertise with what preceeded it. Given the film's obvious spiritually symbolic final scenes, the ambiguous climax might have been intentional by Katsoupis, but it still comes across as underwhelming, regardless. Still, despite this blunder, Inside is a film where Dafoe gets to deliver a phenomenal performance, and it's completely indebted to him for being such a compelling viewing experience.

Unintentional Comedies of the 21st Century

Shame (Hard Drive scene)

Steve McQueen, 2011)

Perhaps it's cathartic relief, but I've often found overtly serious films offer unintentional comedy in one way or another. Critics praise them! Cinephiles adore them! Whereas I'm laughing like Leslie Nielsen after catching Platoon (1986).

Tommy Wiseau's The Room (2003) is a go to nominee according to the net, but I never even bothered with that. Therefore, here are a few that immediately come to mind which also span from this century; otherwise, I'll be here forever listing films from before then:

Baise-moi (Virginie Despentes & Coralie Trinh Thi, 2000)

The Piano Teacher (Michael Haneke, 2001)

8 Mile (Curtis Hanson, 2002)

The Wicker Man (Neil LaBute, 2006)

Never Let Me Go (Mark Romanek, 2010)

The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo (David Fincher, 2011)

Shame (Steve McQueen, 2011)

Her (Spike Jonze, 2013)

Nymphomaniac Vol. I &  II (Lars Von Trier, 2013)

Nocturnal Animals (Tom  Ford, 2016)

Alien: Covenant (Ridley Scott, 2017)

The Shape of Water (Guillermo del Toro, 2017)

Roma (Alfonso Cuarón, 2018)

Lords of Chaos (Jonas Åkerlund, 2019)

Promising Young Woman (Emerald Fennell, 2020)

Karen (Coke Daniels, 2021)

The Scary of Sixty-First (Dasha Nekrasova, 2021)

We're only into the second quater of 2023 and we're spoilt for choice with the likes of The Whale and Babylon already. Going to be a bumper year by my reckoning.

Profondo Rosa

Maniac Driver (Kurando Mitsutake, 2020)

Whenenver a modern film cites itself as a "giallo" or "neo-giallo", more often than not, it's anything but one. These loose descriptive terms tend to apply to a colourful visual style which was prominent during the heyday of Italian thrillers. The structures and conventions of the giallo are often missing when throwback films started becoming the vogue from the late 2000s. Therefore, it's no surprise whenever cinephiles with a deep misconception of what the genre is spew mistaken precoceptions of what the genre consists of. Hence, it comes as no surprise when a film parody like The Editor (2014) mocks the giallo and reveals little comprehension of it, or awful click-bait lists by the BFI on great neo-gialli which comes across as rather ignorant.

Kurando Mitsutake's genre mash-up Maniac Driver (2020), which touts itself as a giallo, is a valiant stab at it, event though it's prominently inspired by both William Lustig's Maniac (1980) and Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver (1976). Those films are anything but gialli. Originally intended as a pinku-eiga film, Mitsutake opted for Argento-esque eye candy to go with the allure of Japanese AV actresses getting they're kit off. The end result is a film which consists of lurid, softcore sex scenes and technicolour Italian splatter. Personally, this pushes the right buttons for film degenerate like myself. That's due to it capturing the salacious exploitation and mean spiritism which was evident in various gialli and slashers from yesteryear. Factors which at the very least, bring a certain degree of autheticity when compared to the revisionist and venomless, retro throwbacks we've experienced in the 21st century. The inspiration just doesn't stop there, you can spot the obvious references to Lucio Fulci's gut vomiting scene from City of the Living Dead (1980), along with obvious homages to Taxi Driver.

Perhaps the biggest fault the film suffers from are the undercooked sub-plots. I wouldn't have known about Iori Kagawa, the film's heroine, having a boyfriend betraying her to some weird cult until Mitsutake mentioned it on the film's audio commentary. Having said that, I did enjoy the character study of the film lead are a bunch misanthropic, philosophical ramblings narrated by Tomoki Kimura, the film's lead, which smacks of nietzschean style humdingers like this:

"We like to be tied down and stripped of our freedom. Maybe this is the reason why we gravitate toward populists and fascists. Then self-destruct. It’s our fate." - Maniac Driver

The biggest highlight from Maniac Driver is its soundtrack. Moody synths which harken back to Claudio Simonetti and John Carpenter's eighties compositions, are another atmospheric layer to its retro appeal. Adding further to the mix is some melodic Japanese metal courtesy of Aiming High, which compliments some of the more intense scenes featured in the film. Hardly a novelty considering that's exactly what we got with Argento's Phenomena (1985), but it's a feature which  feels far better suited today on a low budget film rather than appearing at odds in one of Argento's celebrated efforts during his prime. Wish I copped the limited edition of the film when it was intially available as it came with a bonus CD soundtrack.

There's also the ending which would be a huge spoiler if discussed in real detail, but I found it reminscent of what the great giallo script writer Ernesto Gastaldi might have come up with. Then again, the film's title is a mash-up of Maniac and Taxi Driver, and therefore the ending should make perfect sense. It might realistically be a pinku-eiga film, first and foremost, but it does deliver the goods in what you might expect from an old school, giallo style slasher. LOL at the killer's laugh sounding like a kazoo, though. A worthwhile effort for a film made with little money and shot in just four and half days. Two thumbs up from me.

As Happy as Harry

Joyous day for Dada Debaser as Allan Moyle's classic teen drama Pump Up the Volume (1990) is finally out on blu-ray today. Sure it's already available in other world regions, and I could have just as easily imported it, but times are tough and I can't be arsed shelling out extra for what's probably an old transfer on a barebones disc from Warner Bros. Ideally, it should have gotten the deluxe treatment like Christian Slater's other nineties classic True Romance (1993) did, but beggars can't be choosers after waiting all these years.

The second film in what's unofficially dubbed (by me anyway) "The Christian Slater Trilogy", Pump Up the Volume was one of the few films that really seemed to nail the disillusionment of Gen X and what seemed like an oppressive period in time keen to suppress various media; especially in film and music. Regardless of today's contrarians, the film was able to tap into a generational zeitgeist.

Favourite trivial detail from the film is Christian Slater's shock jock alter ego Happy Harry Hardon sharing the same initials as the autoritarian high school he attended, Hubert Humphrey High, as evident in the school's letterman jackets. Not being an American meant we never had letterman jackets at our school, which is a shame. As a seventies baby, I always wanted one ever since Starsky & Hutch (1975 - 1979) used to be on TV.

Every Cloud Has a Silver Surfer

Well done, everyone! We fired a shot across the bow of pretentious film snobbery when Fun City Editions' release of Jim McBride's Breathless (1983) went completely out of stock (limited and standard editions) in just a few days.

Hopefully, this occurence is a sign that Godard's preponderous status as a deity amongst film critics and the like, might be beginning to erode away. The possibility of his legacy being a forgotten memory whilst I'm still alive, would have me dancing like Richard Gere during Breathless' final moments.

Sadly, I gave F.C.E's release of Breathless a miss on account of spending way too much on other films recently. Therefore, I won't berate any of the blind-buying idiots who copped the film and shared pics of it on their badly made beds for social media kudos points. The enemy of my enemy and all that.

Breathless (Fun City Editions trailer)

Jim McBride, 1983

Viewings: March 2023

Geoff Murphy's The Quiet Earth (1985) and Narciso Ibáñez Serrador's The House that Screamed (1969) were my favourite discoveries this month. Two vastly different films; two unforgettable endings.

March proved to be a noteworthy month for blogs I read on the regular: The Martorialist shared his Desert Island DVDs; Ashton wrote fresh film reviews again; and British Horror Films returned to the fold after its winter hiatus. 

Film:

 The Haunted Castle (F. W. Murnau, 1921)*

Kansas City Confidential (Phil Karlson, 1952)*

The World, the Flesh and the Devil (Ranald McDougall, 1959)*

Orgy of the Dead (Stephen C. Apostolof, 1965)*

Funeral in Berlin (Guy Hamilton, 1966)

The House that Screamed (Narciso Ibáñez Serrador, 1969)*

Soldier Blue (Ralph Nelson, 1970)*

Bloody Moon (Jesús Franco, 1981)

The Quiet Earth (Geoff Murphy, 1985)*

Killer Party (William Fruet, 1986)

Infernal Rapist (Damián Acosta Esparza & José Medina, 1988)*

Croupier (Mike Hodges, 1998)

Sin City (Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez & Quentin Tarantino, 2005)

Triangle (Christopher Smith, 2009)

Avengement (Jesse V. Johnson, 2019)*

Cocaine Bear (Elizabeth Banks, 2023)*

Consecration (Christopher Smith, 2023)*

The Whale (Darren Aronofsky, 2023)*

Television:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Alan J.W. Bell, 1981) 

Teenage Diaries: In Bed with Chris Needham (Tony Steyger, 1992)*

The Doors - Morrison Hotel (John Albarian & Jeff Jampol, 2022)*

Mastermind Episodes 24 - 27 (Bill Wright, 2022 / 2023)*

 

*First time viewings. 

Dada Debaser Notes:

• On the subject of unforgettable film endings: Soldier Blue, WTF?
  
• Props to Chris Needham for staying true to the game long after the BBC doc.
  
• Avengenment's The Horse & Jockey might not have made my fave movie pubs selection, but to its credit, it is the location for the best pub fight I've seen in ages.
• Never even realised until now that was Peter Davison as the Dish of the Day in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
  
• It's a shame about Ray Liotta, but Cocaine Bear is an early contender for worst film of 2023.
  
• Had no intention to see The Whale, but that bridge troll's hilarious rant in The Guardian made me want to watch it. Rage bait done right!
  
• Hilarious seeing Gaspar Noé recently in the Severin Cellar and acting like he was appearing on an episode of Supermarket Sweep. Can't front, I would've done the same:

"Go wild in the aisles!"

Reel Ale Houses

Having nursed a three day hangover this month, alcohol (and regret) has literally been weighing on your humble movie fiend’s mind lately. More importantly, choosing some of the more preferable thirst quenching watering holes to appear in film. 

Restricted my choices to film rather television, otherwise the selections would have been dominated by sitcom and soap opera boozers. 

Along with a quality pint that doesn't cost a fiver, it's all about a pub's atmosphere and decor which really make it appealing. It ought to feel cozy and relaxing, an oasis from the rat race. Alternatively, if a bar has a distinctive je nais se quios about it, then that also makes it a winner. So here's a bunch of fine taverns from the world of film that tickles your host's fancy:

Palace Hotel Bar

It might be a booze-fuelled nightmare for poor John Grant stuck in the Yabba, but the Palace Hotel Bar is the most tranquil spot in Ted Kotcheff's classic film Wake in Fright (1971). What makes this location blessed with a vomit themed colour palette so delighfully appealing to me is it serving as a perfect oasis for self-reflection before Grant loses his mind. Palace Hotel Bar even happens to be even quieter than the homes of some of the film's characters to boot. Also, it convinced me all Aussies are so over zealous with their hospitality in buying a round, you'll risk offending the locals to the point of being treated like a nonce if you say no; therefore it's wise to take them up on their offer... even at the risk of liver failure.

Green Man Inn

As long you're not visiting the remote Scottish island of Summerisle around late April and early May, I expect it to be rather pleasant there. Like most sensible people, I loathe film musicals with a passion, The Wicker Man (1973) is a very rare exception. It's tolerable in the film since the folk of Summerisle happen to be pagan worshipping nutters singing about filth like a folksy equivalent of 2 Live Crew. It's a bit plain looking indoors, but Green Man Inn is blessed by the sun gods with a dirty lot with the same juvenile sense of humour as myself; which makes me feel at home. Also, if Edward Woodward was a sane person and didn't cockblock himself after a naked Britt Ekland was beating on his bedroom door gagging for it, he would have left Summerisle alive, innit?

The Slaughtered Lamb*

"Beware the moon, lads!" If you've ever watched the absolute zenith of cinema that is An American Werewolf in London (1981), then you'll notice that The Slaughtered Lamb pub, located in the fictional Yorkshire village of East Proctor, looks ever so inviting in both day and night scenes. That's when you know this pub is a winner, as it looks spectacular both times of the day. Gorgeous looking place with pro-darts players and a hospitable landlady. The perfect shelter when it's cold and wet outside... as long as you don't piss off the locals by enquiring about the pentagram on the wall.

The Whippit Inn

Carry on Abroad (1972) might feature Brits behaving badly in Elsbels on the Costa Bomm for a significant portion of the film, but it's flanked by superb scenes in a wonderful looking rub-a-dub run by Sid James and Joan Sims (superbly named Vic & Cora Flange) known as The Whippit Inn (sic). Possibly the greatest landlord and landlady combo to ever appear in a film, in my opinion. Never mind Elyseum fields, if there's a heaven, then The Whippit Inn is how I would imagine it being. The final scene where the Carry On cast visit the place will forever be etched in my mind as the one of the most awesome pub meet-ups ever. 

The Dirty Hole

The second Yorkshire pub to make it on this list, however, this time around, you'd rather brave the moonlit moors of East Proctor, since the odds of making it out alive of The Dirty Hole are much slimmer than The Slaughter Lamb. The reason is due to the backwater area known as Mortlake happens to be home to cannibals with a family tree resembling a stump. Inbred (2012), Northern England's answer to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) might not be anywhere near as good as Tobe Hooper's film, but I'll be damned if  The Dirty Hole is not one of the coziest looking pubs featured in a film, to the extent that Paddy from Emmerdale swapped The Woolpack for it. Big fan of the authentic Tudor interior; not so much on the racism, though. Avoid the "pork" scratchings!

 J.J Devine Public House

2022 might go down in film history as the year where donkey harm became a thing thanks to The Triangle of Sadness and The Banshees of Inisherin (I refuse to watch Jerzy Skolimowski's Eo as I'll probably end up sobbing like a baby), but at least Martin McDonagh's film blessed us with what's arguably the best little on-screen boozer in ages. Like some primeval paradise nestled amongst nature's elements, the J.J. Devine pub feels like the perfect tavern to call a second home. A fine place with hospitable locals other than Brendan Gleeson. F@ck him and his sausage fingers! J.J. Devine also boasts the best pub garden as there aren't any unruly brats ruining my pint and it overlooks the North Atlantic ocean. Might explain the lack of kids, to be honest.

Kadie's

Considering infamous bars like the Copacana and The Double Deuce, the only fictional American joint to grace this list is Kadie's from Sin City (2005). Surprisingly posseses some real character; which is a rarity as I find American watering holes don't look as aesthetically pleasing much of the time. Truth be told, Sin City's, biggest draw is its black and white breakdown in its depiction of alpha dogs and temptress sirens which matches the film's visual style. The scenes shot in this bar are 100% proof. Note Brittany Murphy at her flyest serving drinks, while the insanely hot Jessica Alba does her dance for the onlookers; the perfect visual cocktail to drink away the pain.

The Crown Inn*

By far the best pub to be featured in Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's Three Flavours Corenetto trilogy, in my opinion. The Crown Inn, as seen in the film Hot Fuzz (2007) is a really attractive looking boozer thanks to its historic and rustic charm. It exudes this warm and inviting vibe that would make this a home away from home given half a chance. In reality two pubs were used to make The Crown Inn such a standout; one for the exterior shots, and the other for the interiors. Film trickery at its finest.

Titty Twister

We can all unanimously agree that the Twister Twister is a bonafide vampire-ridden thirst trap. Chances of ever leaving this Mexican vampire nest alive are practically zilch. Still, I enjoy the rough and tumble vibe along with the Aztec decor of this temple turned bar conversion. This unholy paradise feaured in From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) is easily the most dangerous joint listed here, but what a place it is when you have Santanico Pandemonium seductively dancing and pouring tequila down your gob. R.I.P Frost and Sex Machine!

Mos Eisley Cantina

 

The precise moment when Star Wars (1977) went from a sci-fi adventure to a timeless classic was when I first laid eyes upon the Mos Eisley Cantina scene. Five year old me was staring with complete awe at all the cool looking alien species. Middle-aged me is still in amazement with the fanstasy of downing space grog and drunkenly chit-chatting with various galactic folk. The Mos Eisley cantina has been ripped-off in various movies ever since, including some later Star Wars films, but the O.G. pub is still the best of the lot. 

Honourable Mentions:

Shagal's inn from The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967); the roadhouse bar from National Lampoon's Animal House (1978); H.M.P Slade bar from Porridge (1979); Fagan's* from The Long Good Friday (1980); The Gold Room from The Shining (1980); Last Resort from Total Recall (1990); Secret bar behind the Puerto Rican barbershop in Carlito's Way (1993); The Ten Bells* from From Hell (2001); La Louisiane from Inglorious Basterds (2009); and The Black Prince* from Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015). 

 

Shout out to The Golden Glove* from The Golden Glove (2019) for being a depressing hell hole, but still managing to make me wish I were a fly on the wall there.

* These are either based on, or shot on location at a pre-existing bar.

 

Dada Debaser Bonus:

Dream Home (No Josie Ho)