There's a reason why George Roper outlived Mildred by over forty-three years (wonder if he kept the side car, though?): he was able to be himself in life. George could cotch in his bed with Mildred while muching on pickled onions, without an ounce of regret. The zen master of Haywards had achieved the highest state of stress free nirvana, a feat that we should all aspire to in life, in my opinion.
Since it's that time of the year again, here are a five more pillars of love and happiness this humble blogger was taught via film:
I Can't be Your Hero, Baby: Unless you're a hench, martial arts expert like Jason Statham, the chances of rolling up to your ex's new fella, in front of his mates, and sharing your disapproval of his mistreatment of her, won't exactly go down too well. To paraphrase a great philospher, "it's kinda hard to be optimistic when you're lying on the pavement dead twisted", especially when you're outnumbered six to one. The classic hero fantasy is exactly what it is - a fantasy. Ex girl to the next girl, wannabe Stathams!
Drag Me to Hell: The worst way to spend the weekend is being dragged by your significant other to a horrendous mall and spend the entire day there shopping when you would rather chill at home and watch Peter and Roger going shopping in Dawn of the Dead (1978). Fortunately, abandoned sex robot, 964 Pinocchio, provides an invaluable tutorial in avoiding this situation by behaving like a complete nutter and promptly receiving Benny Hill slaps to his bonce while on excursion.
Love Mussel: Doomed lovers Fabio and Flavia from the notoriously nasty giallo Giallo in Venice taught a valuable lesson in relationship struggles when it's not purely a 50/50 affair. Fabio is about as subtle as a sledgehammer as he ridiculously attempts to entice poor Flavia by suggestively prodding at his seafood. Without resorting to spoiling a decades old movie, the aphrodisiac nosh doesn't exactly work out in the long run. Would also like to add, that I wouldn't personally recommend eating two plates of them at a restaurant when you're very far from home.
Don't Answer the Phone: Nothing reeks of pathetic despearation than being too eager in life; especially when its calling someone to arrange for a date after just meeting them. Back in the day, before John Favreau turned obese and hadn't defined the cut and paste formula for every MCU movie, he gave the world one of the most cringeworthy scenes from cinema, with his phone call scene from Swingers (1996). A valuable lesson in adhering to the three day wait rule.
Never Tell Me the Odds: Martin Scorsese's Casino is a fine example of how a casino owner and mob associate like Ace Rothstein can back the wrong horse and let it turn his life into a living nightmare. Falling hook, line and sinker for a person that never really loved him almost ended him permanently. A poignant message that's as old as time, that's sadly felled many in the process.
These latest examples turned out way more depressing than I originally intended, so here's the bit from the superior version of Breathless (1983) where Richard Gere shares his inner nerd and breaks down the plight of The Silver Surfer to Valérie Kaprisky. Such an intimate and romantic part in the film, Tarantino was more than likely inspired by it when he wrote the comic store scene in True Romance (1993). Both classic films.
