Peak Era #3

Melinda Clarke

Rewatching Return of the Living Dead III (1993) over the weekend reminded me how hot Melinda Clarke (credited as Mindy Clarke in the film) was as the tragic, grungy femme Julie Walker; both before and after her exposure to the zombie gas Trioxin. Way hotter than Linnea Quigley's Trash from the first film, in my honest opinion. The concept of being eaten alive by the undead is absolutely terrifying, but I’d rather it be Julie chomping on my noggin than that horrifying CeeLo Green looking zombie in Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). Every self-respecting horror film aficionado ought to include Julie Walker when compiling their Greatest Zombie Characters lists.

It's an absolute travesty that the best scene in the film; the part where Julie prepares for battle by piercing her face and body with pieces of sharp metal and glass to fight against the evil thug Santos and his street crew (perhaps the most middle-aged looking Latino gang on film), is only available on YouTube in its censored version, and to rub further salt to the wound, a poor quality VHS  rip. For shame!

From Julie Walker to Julie Cooper, Melinda Clarke managed to draw me to the naughties teen drama The O.C. (2003-2007) as the show's resident Alexis Colby. Melissa had aged like fine wine and reached upper echelon M.I.L.F status during her tenure on the show. Her come-to-bed eyes could bring any man to ruin. Little wonder she turned gold digging into an art; like marrying her best friend's mega wealthy, old dad, cheating on him with her daughter's boyfriend, and conspiring with his murder.

To emphasise what a veritable fox she was during this period, ruminate over this: when Melinda Clarke hit her forties, she looked like this. Can't say the same about her ex co-stars nearing the same age today; including the once great Olivia Wilde.

Peak Era #2

Kenneth Johnson's alien invasion mini-series V (1983) may have been an allegory for fascism and the rise of the Third Reich, but to any young lad back then, it was the rise of the third leg thanks to its villainess Diana, as played by Jane Badler. (Brits wouldn't see the show until just before V: The Final Battle (1984) premiered the following year.)

Jane Badler

The smouldering brunette was like one of Boris Vallejo's beautiful women come to life. Not even the infamous guinea pig scene could put a youngun off when she looked that fine.

Big fan of Jane Badler adopting the heavy metal, vixen big hair and tight fitting catsuits on the ongoing series of V (1984-1985). With Kenneth Johnson no longer writing, the show became a failure and was cancelled before the final episode was even filmed. It may have been awful, but it was peak era Jane Badler, in my opinion.

Badler would eventually reside and work in Australia; appearing in the completely forgotten The Highwayman (1987-1988) and the reboot of Mission: Impossible (1988-1990). Still a smokeshow on those shows.

Fast forward several decades, and she would wind up playing another Diana in the Aussie soap Neighbours (1985- ). 

Can't say I care for any of the Tubi level horror films or her singing career, in all honesty. But she can rest easy with the knowledge she was one of the sexiest woman on TV during the eighties.

Peak Era

Shamefully jackin' Ashton's decades long People You Fancy but Shouldn't. Let’s discuss peak fitness eras of various stars involved in film and television. Kicking this series off with...

Julia Sawalha

As a young 'un, Julia Sawalha came into this boy's life when she was cast as Lynda Day, the cute girl next door editor of the Junior Gazette on the classic kids show Press Gang (1989 - 1993). However, it wasn't until she got glammed up as the barmaid Veronica Head in her one-off appearance on the BBC sitcom Bottom (1991 - 1995) that she officially was considered as smokin' hot.

Sadly, Sawalha is better known for playing the frumpy daughter Saffron in another BBC sitcom Absolutely Fabulous (1992 - 2012). Won't pretend I was ever a fan of it, as it wasn't really my cup of tea, and looking like a bookish geek did her no real favours. Thus, Sawalha's peak fitness era will always be that one time she played Veronica Head.