The Enshittification of IMDb

The diminishing transformation of Internet Movie Database by Amazon is a prime example of enshittification. What was once the go-to film hub online has gradually turned into a platform that is now difficult to navigate, largely obsolete and filled with adverts.

The history of IMDb can be traced back to the 1980s when Col Needham, a British software engineer, created a database to collate data relating to various films he had watched. In 1990, he transformed it into a Usenet group. Three years later, it became a website on the fledgling World Wide Web. By 1998, the corporate monster that is Amazon had acquired it.

The late 1990s and 2000s were like the Wild West for internet users. Regulations were less stringent than they are today, as exemplified by the once infamous forums of IMDb. While some topics were trolled to oblivion with highly offensive comments, others provided informative help that expanded one's artistic tastes and horizons. IMDb was a prime (no pun intended) example of the proverbial double edged sword.

On 20 February 2017, IMDb permanently closed its message boards. The official reasons were a decline in traffic, users opting for alternative social platforms and the rise in toxic behaviour. Since then, the site’s appeal has greatly declined.

The search for relevant information became more challenging. For instance, adult films were unlisted. This necessitated Google searching (preferably in Incognito mode) an adult actor's link to their IMDb page; a cumbersome workaround and a risky endeavour while on a lunch break. A more recent change was seeing miscellaneous actors missing their birth year from their IMDb profile; information than can be found everywhere else. Furthermore, the pervasive promotion of Prime movies and TV shows dominated every page, even with the use of an ad blocker.

And now the ability to read user reviews has been removed for anyone not registered at IMDb. The official reason: to stop review bombing and trolling. Corporate jargon for the site to force you to sign up, gather your personal information and potentially sell it to a data brokers. User reviews were often more honest and less performative than those on Letterboxd, where narcissistic e-celebs were more concerned over their pithy one line reviews making it on the homepage and their follower numbers. Additionally, IMDb's user reviews were more prone to representing the normies. Hence, their movie insights tended to be more welcome thanks to their succinct honesty over the average “professional critic” compelled to flex their media literacy with bloviated analyses behind an online publication’s paywall.

For these reasons IMDb has become another fond resource reduced to obsolescence due to all its completely reductive and unnecessary changes. A site destined to be buried alongside MySpace, GeoCities and other defunct popular sites in the internet graveyard.

R.I.P.

Letterboxd Blasphemies: Part 3

Still missing in action like Chuck Norris currently, but here’s another round of horrendous Letterboxd opinions your host has had festering in his drafts folder *insert Frankie Howerd gif here* in case of times like this.

Over one hundred years of film history and culture condensed into moronic idiocy by the modern era masses. 

Back soon, hopefully.

Megaflopolis

Huge admiration for anyone able to turn their dreams into reality. Not only did Francis Ford Coppola realise his life long passion project, Megalopolis, but he also invested vast sums of his own money into it after selling his winery.

One would think Megalopolis would be a perfect considering it's gestated for decades in Coppola's mind; along with having full creative control over it. Alas, the film is a horrendous failure in every conceivable way. The auteur ought to be checked for any signs of dementia. So spectacular in its floundering, that it's still a tediously exhausting and disconnected viewing experience even when treated as a hatewatch.

My brain officially checked out after around the twenty minute mark; the worst part was having to endure another two hours of this pretentious shite.

Megalopolis is not only a sure thing for worst film this year, but it's possibly the worst of the decade. Awful.

The Discreet Hypocrisy of the Bourgeoisie

Nothing defines Champagne Socialist so exemplary than a successful multi-millionaire actor, surrounded by overpriced blu-ray discs, and moaning about capitalism. 

While in the Criterion closet, Andrew Garfield ought to have protested about inequality instead of filling his totes bag; like the range of Criterion UK releases being absolutely pitiful compared to its corporate big brother across the pond, and why the latest 40% off discount sale in HMV has as much choice as an Eastern Bloc supermarket.

Here is a selection of UK Criterion titles which ought to have been part of the sale:

Double Indemnity (Billy Wilder, 1944)

Repulsion (Roman Polanski, 1965)

Happiness (Todd Solondz, 1988)

Do the Right Thing (Spike Lee, 1989)

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)

Menace II Society (Allen Hughes, Albert Hughes, 1993)

The Irishman (Martin Scorsese, 2019)

Severin’s cellar will always outshine the Criterion closet. Always. All the lucky folk invited into the hallowed basement appear more enthusiastic there than Cate Blanchett and Todd Field being poncey and boring like their film Tár (2022). The cellar has director Sean Baker geek out on giallo films and gushing over Laura Gemser — that's way more relatable to me. Pick of the lot is seeing Gaspar Noe going Supermarket Sweep.

"It Is Not a Rip-Off; It's a Homage!"

Liam Neeson's Peter Swan, the cinéaste director from Harry Callahan's fifth outing, The Dead Pool (1988), is still a relevant caricature of pretentious film makers churning out slop as art today. Knowledge of great film works and paying tribute to them is nothing new (just ask Brian De Palma and Quentin Tarantino!), but the homage is more often used today as a lazy Get-Out-of -Jail-Free card to absolve a film from any obvious flaws; the very reason why Ti West's MaXXXine (2024) left a bitter aftertaste for me after the dust had settled.

Arkasha Stevenson's The First Omen (2024), the completely unnecessary prequel to the iconic, seventies spawn of Satan horror, The Omen (1976), should not have been conceived. That's the studio's greed, for sure. However, its writing team play a part, too. The prequel is jarringly subversive, factually wrong and retroactively so shoved in, that it's nothing but a huge disservice to the original. Thanks to its ridiculous twist, it sets up the potential for further films. The prequel is a mess that intentionally strays away from its source material whilst piggybacking off the reputation of its superior predecessor. However, its seventies Italian horror vibe and Nell Tiger Free's solid lead performance are the few redeeming aspects in this parasitic film; saving it from being amongst the worst I've watched this year.

If leeching off its predecessor isn't enough, how about blatantly ripping-off Isabelle Adjani's unforgettable subway scene from Andrzej Żuławski's art-house horror Possession (1981)? Other than it being a shameless "homage", the worst part about The First Omen's tribute is how workmanlike it's presented in the film. Devoid of any real resonance when compared to Adjani's disturbingly shocking scene. It merely exists so cinephiles get the reference. A happy meal for kino heads.

The First Omen wasn't the only bun-in-the-coven themed film this year; Apartment 7A (2024), a prequel to Rosemary's Baby (1968), is even worse; thanks to it repeating the entire plot of the original, but with a couple of eye-rolling musical numbers and immersion breaking millennial writing. Alternatively, Immaculate (2024), the other nun themed horror from this year, might be the pick of the bunch, as, despite its flaws, it's practically the same plot as The First Omen sans the incongruous retrofitting ruining the film, and its homages being far subtler. Thus, it's a better film.

Letterboxd Blasphemies: Part 2

Welcome to another instalment of awful reviews on Letterboxd. I use the word "reviews" loosely, as they commonly read like the ramblings of first world slacktivists and narcissists.

I can't even post this Wall-E review as it's too long to screenshot, but it reeks of a freelance journo dredged up from the depths of Twitter/X (or whatever it's called nowadays) writing for The Guardian.

The thought of humanity suddenly being wiped out doesn't sound so bad once you're done doomscrolling on Letterboxd.

Letterboxd Blasphemies

Ought to preface this post with the only reason I even returned to Letterboxd was the utility it offered in rating and cataloging all the movies for this blog. Like all social media, it runs afoul of being another online cesspit. 

Whether it's bored kids, unfunny influencers, or cringeworthy journos masquerading as bonafide film critics, here's an example of the awful reviews plastered on there:

Believe it or not, the positive reviews tend to be even more toxic than the horrible ones posted above, since the rush of covering eagerly anticipated films fuels the narcissistic personalities of these critics and their desire to chirp the loudest in their online echochamber:

Quietly praying for some real life Bond villain like Elon Musk to buy Letterboxd and watch these wannabe Eberts go even more mental than how they act now. Potential five star entertainment in the making.

Unintentional Comedies of the 21st Century

Shame (Hard Drive scene)

Steve McQueen, 2011)

Perhaps it's cathartic relief, but I've often found overtly serious films offer unintentional comedy in one way or another. Critics praise them! Cinephiles adore them! Whereas I'm laughing like Leslie Nielsen after catching Platoon (1986).

Tommy Wiseau's The Room (2003) is a go to nominee according to the net, but I never even bothered with that. Therefore, here are a few that immediately come to mind which also span from this century; otherwise, I'll be here forever listing films from before then:

Baise-moi (Virginie Despentes & Coralie Trinh Thi, 2000)

The Piano Teacher (Michael Haneke, 2001)

8 Mile (Curtis Hanson, 2002)

The Wicker Man (Neil LaBute, 2006)

Never Let Me Go (Mark Romanek, 2010)

The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo (David Fincher, 2011)

Shame (Steve McQueen, 2011)

Her (Spike Jonze, 2013)

Nymphomaniac Vol. I &  II (Lars Von Trier, 2013)

Nocturnal Animals (Tom  Ford, 2016)

Alien: Covenant (Ridley Scott, 2017)

The Shape of Water (Guillermo del Toro, 2017)

Roma (Alfonso Cuarón, 2018)

Lords of Chaos (Jonas Åkerlund, 2019)

Promising Young Woman (Emerald Fennell, 2020)

Karen (Coke Daniels, 2021)

The Scary of Sixty-First (Dasha Nekrasova, 2021)

We're only into the second quater of 2023 and we're spoilt for choice with the likes of The Whale and Babylon already. Going to be a bumper year by my reckoning.

Worst Films of 2022

2022 might go down as a noticeable improvement over the last couple of years, but let's not kid ourselves in pretending there weren't a plethora of atrocious films released during this period; films which were so bad that I didn't even bother hyperlinking.

Below is a timely reminder why certain film makers should have stuck to their lane eking out a living helming music videos, posting food pics on Instagram, or better yet, should have just quit film school altogether:

Worst 2022 Films I Watched:

A Banquet (Ruth Paxton)

The Batman (Matt Reeves)

Bodies Bodies Bodies (Halina Reijn)

Cow (Andrea Arnold)

Death Hunt (Neil Mackay)

Everything Everywhere All at Once (Dan Kwan & Daniel Scheinert)

Firestarter (Keith Thomas)

Fresh (Mimi Cave)

The Gray Man (Anthony Russo & Joe Russo)

Halloween Ends (David Gordon Green)

Hellraiser (David Bruckner)

Jikirag (Alexander J. Baxter, Leigah Keewatin & Jessica Moutray)

The Munsters (Rob Zombie)

Mutant Ghost Wargirl (Liu Binjie)

Nope (Jordan Peele)

Poser (Noah Dixon & Ori Segev)

Scream (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillet)

The Seed (Sam Walker)

She Will (Charlotte Colbert)

Studio 666 (B.J. McDonnell)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (David Blue Garcia)

Two Witches (Pierrre Tsigaridis)

Cracks me up whenever I spot a movie I thoroughly detested making it in various Best Films lists. Only proves to me just how irrelevant most critics are.

Sat through all of these horrid films; right up to the end credits. For this reason I've more than earnt the right to shit on them every chance I get. There are probably even worse films from this year that I still haven't seen; counting my blessings that I won't ever do so.

Chesty Pains

Mike Lease w/ The Studio G's Beat Group - Hard Selling Woman

(Deadly Weapons soundtrack, 1973)

Spent much of the week with dodgy internet service which propelled me into an even greater movie binge than usual (for me at least). This turned out to rectify two films which were always absent from my viewing, Deadly Weapons (1973) and Double Agent 73 (1974). Knew about them ever since Jonathan Ross schooled me on shite exploitation director repackaged as feminist film pioneer Doris Wishman back in the late eighties for the television series The Incredibly Strange Film Show (1988 - 1989). 

Both films are indeed terrible like I presumed they would be. Inept in almost every way; the latter film has one of the worst car chases I've probably ever seen. Not sure how any sane person could find burlesque dancer built like a sack of spuds turned "actress" Zsa Zsa, AKA Chesty Morgan appealling, but different strokes for different folks, I guess. She oddly reminded me of Madame Cholet from The Wombles the way she shuffled around on screen in that ridiculous wig.  

However, there is a silver lining and a point to this post and that's Deadly Weapons has a cool soundtrack that I dig. Largely consisiting of KPM library music, the highlights from it include a nasty slice of electric guitar that's almost Morriconne-esque in style, courstesy of Alan Parker (not that one) on the track Hippy. The film's main theme is an uncredited track by Mike Lease and The Studio G's Beat Group called Hard-Selling Woman which instantly transports me away to some underground nighclub from a bygone era and makes it the best thing about Wishman's film, in my humble opinion.

Double Agent 73 (Promo trailer)

(Doris Wishman, 1974)

Aside from the surprisingly decent Bad Girls Go to Hell (1965), I haven't enjoyed anything else from the director who I personally dubbed the Thora Hird of Exploitation Cinema. These two infamous entries haven't dissuaded me one bit in changing my opinion, but Deadly Weapons' soundtrack is definitely a winner, in my book.

Recency Bias and the Love for Mediocrity

Not to be a doomer, but we really are living in dour times when a mediocre film like Prey amasses an overwhelmingly positive buzz, with insincere hyperbolic statements like "the best Predator movie since the original" from today's so-called "critics". Let's be honest here, it's better than Shane Black's awful The Predator (2018), but it's nowhere near as good as Predator 2 (1991), or possibly even the lacklustre Predators (2010). Sure, all art is subjective and movies are no different, but objectivity also plays heavily into a film's overall assesment too. This seems to be forgotten these days. Once a critic intentionally overlooks a film's noticable faults, then they cease to be a credible commodity from earning any discerning film enthusiast's trust.

I don't completely hate Prey, but neither do I love it, either. It's simply a mediocre film. I'll give it props for its beautiful cinematography and a dog sidekick that is badass like Max Rockatansky's four-legged friend, but there are too many issues which hinder it. **SPOILERS AHEAD** Without divulging into an actual dedicated review, much of my grievances stemmed from: the historical setting felt largely redundant, thanks to a bunch of young actors with an acting range on a par with a typical CW teen show - Californian accents and awful dialogue, like "I'm smarter than a beaver", did no favours at all. There's the terrible writing where we're made to believe in magical flowers which turn your blood cold, thus conveniently making you invisible to the Predator. Speaking of which, I was convinced this latest extraterrestial big game hunter might have had learning difficulties, since it got fucked up by a snake, wolf, bear, French fur-trappers, Commanches, and a hilarious final fight with its protagonist (who suddenly possesses ninja-like reflexes and acrobatic skills) before it accidentally and comedically kills itself. It bizarrely didn't understand its own tech. **END SPOILERS** The best Predator movie since the original, innit?

Prey is just the latest example of the new buzz. The true underlying factor here is that it's a shiny new film which ticks all the relevant boxes to appease a maliable demographic weened on utter shite. That's enough to spread the usual hype-nosis from the media and generate the usual clickbait articles. Regardless of the film's overall quality, today's movie-goer is expected to not only watch it out of FOMO, but to also applaud it like clapping circus seals. Today's tentpole attractions tend to age like milk; anything that is remotely more than a few year's old is largely irrelevant in today's public consciousness. And if you do go against the grain in this current climate, then woe betide you.

The Unbearable Disappointment of Wasted Potential

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (Tom Gormican, 2022)

Don't usually feel the need to go into depth about movies that fail to wow me over. I'm willing to make an exception here however since Tom Gormican's The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent has a unique selling point that I, along with multiple others, made it onto our radar - Nicolas Cage playing Nicolas Cage. Yes, this meta-style movie (sick of that description) purports to give us the legendary wild-child of Hollywood a film where he's being himself. Pressing 'X' to doubt, since as great as that sounds, I can barely differentiate him from many of his other roles. But I'm jumping ahead of myself here and would much rather prefer where the film's major problem lies.

The writing for is simply lacklustre and fails to match its creative premise. The film gets off on the good foot by showing the viewer what's supposedly a day in the life of our modern day thespian.This ranges from highlighting his expensive and lavish lifestyle, landing film parts and his relationships with his ex-wife, Olivia (Sharon Horgan) and his daughter, Addy (Lily Sheen). These opening minutes are in my opinion some of the best scenes from the film as they're entertainingly satirical and pertain welcome criticism on Hollywood's film industry. A huge shame then as it immediatley ditches all that and plonks Cage in Majorca for some convoluted action comedy, where he's forced to become the heroic protagonist, like many of his on screen incarnations.

The best thing about The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is watching Cage interact with his imaginary friend Nicky; a manifestation of Cage's former self during his Wild At Heart (1990) era. Those scenes are reminscent of Drop Dead Fred (1991) the best moments in the film, yet are few and far between. Instead, the film spends laborious time and effort on Cage becoming a C.I.A operative and uncover the whereabouts of a politician's kidnapped daughter and how Cage's fanboy host, Javi (Pedro Pascal) is associated to it. If it all sounds somewhat generic and formulaic, that's because it is. Some of the gags and references to Cage's work do land well, others feel like an after thought, like the "NOT THE BEES!", line being forced into the film. It all feels half-hearted and a little dishonest to me. It's a meta gimmick strecthed out into a two-hour long bland action comedy. Even the supporting cast seem to be aware they're in a formulaic comedy, since they make nauseating over the top reactions, and in Horgan's case, she takes it into Russell Brand levels of annoyance. Since the cast fail to take any of the events remotely seriously, it really breaks the premise of Cage having to be a fish out of water. Since they can't do that, I don't see why the audience should feel indebted to so, either. It fundamentally breaks the meta concept since its attempt to go one state further with its Nic-ception and end with a film adapatation of the events that take place (Demi Moore as his on-screen ex-wife this time), all feels equally as hollow as what took place in the film.

What really nags me about this film is just how much creative potential feels squandered. The film J.C.V. D (2008) did a far better job of distinguishing the reality and expectations of the legendary action star Jean-Claude Van Damme without copping out on its premise; not to mention in giving us one of the G.O.A.T monologues in cinema. None of The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent feels remotely authentic and that's what makes it such a wasted opportunity, because this had the potential to be another major highlight in Cage's late career like Mandy (2018). It's not a completely terrible film, but it is a wholly mediocre one; which is such a pity, as it had some actual potential.

Dada Debaser Bonus: 

Witnessing the uncanny valley of young Nic Cage in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent had me hitting YouTube searching for that time he once appeared on BBC chatshow Wogan, while out promoting his classic film Wild At Heart (1990), where he gave a completely surreal interview. Be amazed as he condenses his larger than life persona into several minutes of unforgetable television. So good in fact, that it became the obvious source of Cage's imaginary friend / moral conscience in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.

Wogan (Nicolas Cage Interview)

Terry Wogan, 1990

Opinions Are Like... (Part 2)

Felt compelled to write another "unpopular opinions" list after wasting my Saturday night going to the local multiplex and seeing that god awful film with Michelle Yeoh in it. Jackie Chan dodged a bullet.

 

1. If ever a film screamed, "Look at me, Reddit millennials!" it's the stupendously boring, Rick and Morty style multiverse farce, Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) by them two blokes who directed the Turn Down for What music video. Speaking of multiverses, I now realise I'm living in the same universe where me and The Guardian's Peter Bradshaw don't like this film. WTF?

 

2. Neither Deep Cover (1992) nor Menace II Society (1993) would have received the Criterion treatment a decade ago; in fact, both of these films would have been mocked and dismissed by Tarkovsky arse-kissers and other annoyingly pompous cinephiles as typical rapsloitation trash. Predicting King of New York (1990) and Fresh (1994) getting the same treatment in the not too distant future.

3. The last great film trilogy was 20th Century Fox's reboot / reimagining of The Planet of the Apes.

 

4. Fuck Terrence Malick! The greatest comeback by a director, was by Herscell Gordon Lewis for Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat (2002), returning to the director's seat after a thirty year hiatus.

5. Film critics who exploit their status to sway public opinion; be it social or political, deserve to lose their jobs.

6. One of the most powerful performances from the last decade was by a Hollyoaks actress, Jemma Dallender in I Spit On Your Grave 2 (2013). It's also the best film from the remake trilogy. Film critic / journalist, Art Ettinger might be the only other person sharing this same sentiment as me. Props to Arty!

 

7. The best film from Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy is For A Few Dollars More (1965). Lee Van Cleef and Clint Eastwood have the best chemistry together as rival bounty hunters, while Juan Maria Volonté's El Indio excels as the best villain from the entire trilogy.

8. Steve McQueen's Shame (2011) is way too ridiculous to be taken remotely seriously and should only be appreciated as an unintentional comedy, like Tommy Wiseau's The Room (2003).

9. Trey Parker's Team America: World Police (2005) is one of the best films of the noughties. It's also one of the best comedies to date, and it puts the likes of overrated satirical shite like Dr. Strangelove (1964) to shame; especially when its mockery of Hollywood actors feels even more necessary today.

10. No one would be referring to Gaspar Noé or Claire Denis' names today if it wasn't for France's ostracised horror faction that became associated with the New French Extremity movement. Alexandre Aja did more for the scene than either of them and still doesn't get the respect he deserves today.

 

11. Both Jesús Franco and Jean Rollin were a couple of pornographers whose horror and sexploitation films were rescued from bargain bin hell and found recognition by pretentious arthouse critics, in the vain attmpt to make them appear acceptable to their exploitation movie peers.

12. Alfonso Cuarón's Roma (2018) is nothing more than a beautifully shot yawnfest with no real sense of direction. My interpretation of one drawn out scene in particular, where the film's maid protagonist, Cleo sweeps away dog shit in her employers' garage, speaks volumes to me, since it's basically instructing its audience to be complete idiots and overlook all the obvious shite which plagues the film.

13. The most heartwarming thought pertaining to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is knowing that its fanbase will be mocked by the next future generation; much like today's middle aged Star Wars fans.

14. Wes Craven's The People Under the Stairs (1991) virtually sabotages itself in the very last few minutes by the angry mob, along with the ill-suited use of Redhead Kingpin & the F.B.I's Do the Right Thing; completely changing the tone of the film. Wasn't good enough for Spike Lee's movie and it shouldn't have been for Wes Craven's film, either.

15. The only real mainstay regarding James Whale's The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) is that Jack Pierce hit another home run with his iconic make-up design for The Bride. Other than that, it's an inferior sequel that's been over praised by critics and film historians who mysteriously forget the light hearted distractions which ruin the film. It's predecessor, Frankenstein (1931), is still the superior film and still disturbing today.

16. The liberal application of the phrase "cult classic", often extends with palliating films that aren't for everyone. Hal Ashby's grossly overrated "comedy", Harold and Maude (1971) is one such example. A film where an elderly woman and a teenage boy form an emotional bond, while getting into a series of hijinks together, which ultimately culminates in them having sex. It's completely repulsive and the only memorable thing about this unfunny snoozefest. It's appraisal by film critics and connoiseurs should be a red flag to any discerning fan of cinema.

17. Not only has Fast & Furious 7 (2015) aged better than other seventh installments from other popular franchises released in the very same year (Creed and The Force Awakens), it also has a plot that doesn't steal from its respective first entry and pass it off as a sequel or as an original property.

18. Duckie was the real antagonist in John Hughes' Pretty in Pink (1986).

19. Studio interference can be a necessary evil. An example of which is the theatrical version of Leon, aka, The Professional (1994) being far superior in comparison to the disturbingly noncey additional scenes from Luc Besson's director's cut. Genuinely regret ever watching his director's cut and have never returned to either version ever since. Same goes with Clive Barker's Nightbreed (1990).

 

20. The jocks were the good guys in Revenge of the Nerds (1984).

Ten Reasons Why Zardoz is a Cinematic Mess

Dada Debaser made the terrible mistake of revisiting John Boorman's infamous Zardoz (1974) recently, with the naive hope it might have improved over the years. Sadly, it's still a convoluted and incoherent dung heap, but that doesn't stop habitual drug users and film contrarians hailing it as a misunderstood masterpiece whenever underrated sciene fiction films are discussed. One man's trash is another man's treasure, I guess. Personally, I'm thankful George Lucas came along and changed the game for us folk looking for proper entertainment and escapism.

Here are ten reasons why I consider Zardoz ostentatious bilge and why it will never be included in any forthcoming Best British Films list from me - like anything I've seen by Mike Leigh:

1. Allegedly, John Boorman was as high as a kite when he wrote, produced and directed the film. It becomes evident very early on that the film is an exercise of style over execution. Various sections of Zardoz are so inpenetratable that even Boorman admitted he didn't totally understand parts of the film. So why are we meant to bother with it then?
   
2. Desperate for work and to shake off any James Bond style typecasting, Sean Connery felt comfortable enough to wear a red loincloth and thigh high boots for the majority of the film, but for this humble film blogger, it's a laughable eye sore. So ridiculous in fact, that any potential prospect in taking the film remotely seriously for one iota of a second is completely lost on me. The film's costume designer was Christel Kruse Boorman, none other than John Boorman's wife; whose only other film is another of Boorman's films, The Emerald Forest (1985). Reeks of cronyism to me.
   
3. Connery went a step even further than his proto-mankini, which Borat ended up nicking, by a wearing a wedding dress in one scene. It's an example of the film's obvious attempt at humour, but I guess you really had to be there to find it funny.
4. Zardoz's whole "the gun is good; the penis is evil" speech makes next to no sense since his acolytes, the Exterminators are raping the Brutals and are descendents of them.
   
5. Charlotte Rampling is the go to actress when it comes to casting a posh lass in challenging or controversial cinema; to the point she's still starring in them today, however even her talents can't shrug off the obvious tripe she has to put up with in Zardoz, such as all the phallus talk and making Zed (Connery) watch porn and checking to see if he's gotten a boner.
   
6. With the exception of Victor Bueno and Silly Kid, fake god, Zardoz, aka Arthur Frayn has the most punchable face ever. At the behest of 20th Century Fox to make the film make any real coherent sense, Boorman includes a prologue which fails miserably at expaining anything.
   
7. The Eternals are meant to be telekinetic ruling class blessed with immortality, with a penchent for green baguettes. Obviously inspired by H.G. Wells' Eloi from The Time Machine in terms of futuristic flower power children living in a communal paradise. However, they're more theoretically a hybrid of the mutant humans with psychic powers from Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970) and the pretentious hippies from the Rainbow Rhythms dance class featured in Peep Show (2003-2015). The Eternals are an even greater sum of these parts since they're way more vexing, cruel and pretentious making them hard to tolerate throughout the entirety of the film.
8. The Tabernacle's use of levity is so poorly executed that it ruins any potential to take the film seriously. Zed (Connery) attempts to make sense of the world he inhabits, but the Tabernacle delivers awful lines like, "You have penetrated me. There is no escape. You are within me. Come into my center. Come into the center of the crystal!".
   
9. Zardoz's influence is cancerous to other film makers. That bloke Ben Wheatley, who reminds me of Heather Trott who used to be in Eastenders, is a big fan of Zardoz. That explains a lot, since he's been delving into pretentious tosh for a decade now and hasn't delivered a good film since Sightseers (2012). Ironically, Boorman has three good movies and one semi decent one - Point Blank (1967), Hell in the Pacific (1968), Deliverance (1972) and the first half of Excalibur (1981) - while Wheatley has less than that.
   
10. When Empire, a once great film mag that I read on a regular basis, gave five star reviews to overrated grot like Grease (1978), Kes (1969) and West Side Story (1961), but awarded Zardoz a posthumous one star rating, then you knew the film was a complete train wreck even for them. Film critic,Will Thomas ended his review by describing it as "dodgy on every level".

It's amazing how John Boorman still had a career following this shambolic cock-up of a movie. Astonishingly, Zardoz wasn't even his worst film, since he continued his predilection for mise-en-scène above any logic with the spectacularly awful Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977). I personally classify this sequel a hate crime as Boorman had been on record with his loathing for William Friedkin's demonic classic. Friedkin wound up having the last laugh in the end as Boorman's film was a commercial and critical flop. Whether it's true or not, Friedkin's schandenfraude is the source of one of my favourite movie related anecdotes on YouTube and a nice little diss to Boorman and the morons who produced it. To think, it could have all been avoided if they watched Zardoz and brought a sick bag with them.

Zardoz (Trailer)

(John Boorman, 1974)

Opinions Are Like...

When Film School Rejects announced Lana Wachowski's atrociously bad The Matrix Resurrections as their Movie of the Year 2021, you can bet it sparked plenty of ridicule. Not that I care about the obvious feedback over what was essentially a publicity stunt. Shameless sites reliant on rage clicks got to earn a bob or two to make a living, I guess. Dada Debaser is not adverse to putting its neck on the chopping block when it comes to contentious opinions. What's presented below is an assortment of twenty personal opinions which probably goes against the grain of the popular consesus:

1. Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (1980) is the only legitimate classic by the director. However, the film has one serious issue that rarely ever gets addressed: how are film connoisseurs going to pretend the "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" scene was not lifted from Henri-Georges Clouzot's Les Diaboliques (1955) and let it fly? At least Sergio Martino was honest enough to admit he pulled the same stunt in Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972), whilst Kubrick took it with him to the grave.

 

2. Daniel Craig's tenure as James Bond is the worst official portrayal of the British secret agent, surpassing George Lazenby's wooden performance, from his only outing in On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969). Seeing Bond rebooted as an unrecognisable miserable wreck of a man over the course of five films has been disasterous in the long run and no doubt had Ian Flemming spinning in his grave.

 

3. The term 'feminist horror' is nothing more than a superflous division in the horror genre. Horror movies, regardless of merit, have always appealed to women, way before the buzzphrase was even coined. The term is nothing more than a marketing gimmick appeasing gullible pseudo-intellectuals who originally wrote off the genre due to their own ignorance.

 

4. Ken Loach's kitchen sink drama Kes (1969) has only one real highlight; the football match with Brian Glover's rough and tumble P.E. teacher. That's why it's the go to scene played whenever it's dragged into any discussion.

5. The only Paul Thomas Anderson film ever worth revisiting is Boogie Nights (1998).

6. John Carpenter's Escape From L.A. (1996) gets way too much undeserved hate. The fact that both critics and audiences weren't able to distinguish that it was equally a remix and sequel in a similar vein to Sam Raimi's Evil Dead II (1987), says more about them than it does for the film. It's also blessed with one of the most unequivocally cool endings ever.

7. The prayer scene from Enzo Milloni's largely inept and utterly sleazy, The Sister of Ursula (1978), is an unexpectedly powerful profound moment, thus granting it a greater level of appreciation from me than any of the overpraised Italian modernist scene, since it bodies anything I've witnessed by the likes of Antonioni or Fellini.

8. Still consider myself a fan, but Quentin Tarantino really should have retired way before his tenth film pledge. His films over the last two decades were in desperate need of an editor that didn't kiss his arse.

9. Both St. Trinian's (2007) and St. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold (2009) are some of the best examples of modern reboots done right. They also happen to be the only movies other than Dellamorte Dellamore (1994) that redeem Rupert Everett's entire career.

10. With the exception of Raising Arizona (1987), all of the Coen Bros' movies feel massively overrated, cursed with abrupt and horrible endings.

11. The Terminator (1984), is still better than it's sequel, Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991). The reason why the sequel is embraced so highly over its predecessor, is the fact that it is the Year Zero movie for the millennial generation. They were around ten or eleven years of age at the time of its release, which made it all the more impressionable on them seeing Edward Furlong as one of their own (even though he's a Gen X'er and the film was set in 1995).

12. Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits (1981) is leagues better than his amusing take on Nineteen Eighty-Four with the film Brazil (1985) and has endless quotables.

13. Edgar Wright's Hot Fuzz (2007) is the best film in the Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy, as it's the only film where Simon Pegg does not act like a selfish and whiny manchild throughout the film. 

14. Christopher Nolan makes movies for dumb people that makes them feel intelligent. It's the reason why he is credited as an important auteur by reddit brainlets in r/movies and r/truefilm.

15. Matthew McConaughy received the right Oscar for the wrong film. It should have been for his performance as Vilmer in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994).

16. Even if you combined the works of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton together, it still wouldn't be as good as Laurel & Hardy's films. Criterion not recognising this obvious fact, is the reason why the label and its army of clueless collectors will always be considered as a pretentious bunch of fools by me.

17. Franck Khalhoun's remake of Maniac (2012) is better than William Lustig's 1980 original version. A major reason why is Elijah Wood's Frank Zito. He is far more effective as a predator to women, since he oozes the vibe of a human cuttlefish without even trying. Spinell's Frank Zito being in a five block radius with Caroline Munro breaks all suspension of disbelief.

18. The only really worthwhile English language movies directed by Guillermo del Toro, are Mimic (1997) and Blade II (2002). 

19. Katsuhiro Otomo's Akira (1988), is a laboriously dull animated feature film and it's crazy finale feels too little too late to make amends. One of the most disappointing movie experiences I ever had.

20. The last decent Woody Allen film was nearly forty years ago with Zelig (1983). He has made nothing remotely entertaining since then.

EDIT - Genuinely surprised a real scholar not only uploaded onto YouTube a scene from The Sister of Ursula (1978), but the prayer scene, and in high definition. Automatically subbed.